Forgiving

Have you heard the saying, “To err is human...,” and what comes next? “...to forgive is divine.” Have you heard that saying? Has no one heard it? Ah, okay... Wake up a little. “To err is human; to forgive is divine.”

Certainly, making mistakes, offending, mistreating, and even abusing others—even people in our own family—is human behavior. And as the second part of that saying goes, to forgive is divine. Forgiving is not common, and it requires qualities that go beyond our human limitations.

Once again, “To err is human; to forgive is divine.” It is one of those sayings that are not... theologically, they are not very sound, but this one contains a commonly known truth that does have some solidity based on the Scriptures. Forgiveness is a central theme in the heart of God.

If you look at the Word of God from Genesis to Revelation, it is a love letter. It is God’s love letter to us, from a God who pursues us with His love. In fact, even the Song of Songs is about God’s pursuit of us; God desires fellowship with us. He desires to grant us His forgiveness. In fact, He sent His Son Jesus Christ and sacrificed Him on the cross so that we might have forgiveness of sins; and our new birth, the experience of our new birth, is based on that. Our first experience is repentance, immediately followed by receiving God’s forgiveness.

So from the beginning of our Christian journey, we are already experiencing the benefits of our Lord’s forgiveness. In 1 John 1:19, God tells us that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So forgiveness is definitely a theme that springs from the very heart of God. It is not a human invention but originates in God’s heart. And my objective today is to approach the subject of forgiveness from the perspective of the person who was offended—that is, the forgiver—not so much from the perspective of the person who needs forgiveness, but from the perspective of the one who forgives the person who offended them.

And my desire is that all of us leave this place today with a deeper understanding of the importance of forgiving and of what God says about it, convinced that in God we have all the resources we need to do what He has commanded us to do: forgive. And forgiving is not easy or natural—or perhaps I am the only one who finds it a little difficult, and sometimes very difficult, to forgive. Isn’t it true that we all face difficulty when it comes to forgiving? It is not easy; it is not natural; it requires a superhuman effort—not superhuman, let’s say supernatural. Forgiveness is a divine gift that we give to another person. What a gift it is! When we have received forgiveness, isn’t it true that we feel a sense of freedom and things look different? The sun shines more brightly, there is more light, and colors appear more distinct, because receiving forgiveness is a precious thing. And giving forgiveness, in turn, also sets us free and enables us to be the person God wants us to be.

And one truth of Scripture is that God never commands us to do something without already having made provision for it to be accomplished. In other words, there is no reason to say, “I cannot forgive,” because in Scripture and in the indwelling of the Holy Spirit within us, we already have everything we need to forgive. Sometimes we have to discover it and clear the fog from our eyes, make changes in our attitudes and changes in our beliefs, but the Lord has already provided everything we need so that we can forgive.

But then, if God commands us to forgive, why is forgiving so difficult? We could spend hours talking about why it is so difficult to forgive, but we are not going to talk for hours, I promise—perhaps just one, only one.

The first thing is our selfishness and our pride. Isn’t it true that, if you were truly honest, you like to have the last word in every situation? Isn’t that true? We always want to have the last word, and we are there... okay, now you are finished; now it is my turn. We want to be the one in control, and that makes forgiveness difficult. We want to be right, we want to win the fights, and many times the way we win them is simply by withholding forgiveness, by not forgiving the person who needs it. So that is one factor: our pride and our selfishness.

Another factor is the fear that if we forgive, we are exposing ourselves to being hurt again. No one wants to appear weak, and I have heard Christians who have been believers for many years, people who are already advanced in age, say very harshly, “I am not going to forgive, because that would mean acknowledging my weakness, and I am not weak. I am not going to give in.” So that is another attitude we sometimes have. We are afraid that people will label us as weak and that we will be hurt again.

Another factor is that we believe—we have bought into the myth—that forgiveness is optional. If I feel like it, I forgive; if I do not feel like it, I do not forgive. But the Word is very clear that it is not optional; we must always forgive. And sometimes we are so foolish and stubborn that we have said—I have heard this, and I do not know whether I have said it too, but we have often heard people say—“I forgive everything except...” Blank; they fill in their blank... except... I do not know. A child’s rebellion, a child disrespecting me, or, I do not know, my wife or my husband committing adultery against me. Sometimes we want to limit God in that way, telling Him, “I forgive everything except this one thing.” And when we have repeated that lie to ourselves many times over a long period of our lives, then you know what? We believe it, and afterward it is difficult to break free from it.

Another factor is that we have embraced the false idea that in order to forgive, first... I first need the other person to ask for forgiveness—that is, to repent and ask for forgiveness. That is a false idea; we do not have to wait. In fact, do you know how many people it takes to forgive? It only takes one person to forgive. And in fact, only God—God requires repentance. Do you know why? Because God sees everything and knows everything. He knows what is in our hearts, and for that reason He can rightly judge repentance and then grant forgiveness. That is why only God can require repentance from us, but we cannot wait to see repentance before forgiving. What happens is that many times we confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. It takes one person to forgive; it takes two for reconciliation to occur, because it is a more complex, more complete process. But it only takes one person to forgive. God’s desire is for reconciliation to take place in every area of our lives and in all our relationships, but sometimes that is not possible. I believe that many times, when people have been seriously attacked by someone with whom it is not even safe for them to reconcile, they feel that they cannot forgive; but yes, they can forgive. God is not requiring them to reestablish a relationship with a person who is going to harm them. So there is a difference between those two processes, and I believe it is very liberating when we understand that they are two different processes. Forgiveness begins, and then reconciliation follows.

Another factor is that many of us have suffered wounds, especially during childhood and adolescence, which have led us to develop a rejection complex. A rejection complex drives us to treat others harshly because that is how we were treated; because we experienced rejection, we then do the same thing. And it makes us extremely sensitive in every relationship. This is the person who is always seeing something being done against them: if they were invited, that is bad; if they were not invited, that is bad; if they were included, that is bad; if they were not included, that is... and everything is always a matter of sensitivity. I believe that if any of us has that, it is time to let go of that sensitivity, because it limits us. It limits us in relationships and it limits us in ministry. Who can minister to God’s people with that kind of sensitivity—that thing they call “a chip on the shoulder,” as though everything were a problem? So we must renounce that sensitivity and ask the Lord to fill that area of need within us. And when we have a rejection complex, what happens is that we interpret everything others do negatively, and because what feels comfortable to us is protecting ourselves by hardening our hearts, that is what we do.

I do not know whether you have noticed that when we are in a time of crisis, what do we do? We do what is comfortable—not necessarily what is healthy for us, but what is comfortable. If we are accustomed to coping by withdrawing into depression, when the crisis comes, we become depressed. If we are accustomed to using a drug to protect ourselves and escape, that is what we do when the crisis comes. And the Lord also wants to bring freedom to all those areas. Returning especially to the rejection complex, we have to renounce it. I know it is a beloved baby that we have pampered since it was little and have allowed to grow up with us, and it is something very dear to us; but it is time for us to leave behind that child of the rejection complex, grow up, and understand that there are healthier ways to handle this and that we have to forgive.

Another factor is that we have become accustomed to saying, “I cannot forgive,” when in reality what we need to say is, “I do not want to forgive.” There is a difference between “I cannot” and “I do not want to.” Forgiving is an act of the will, and many of us have become accustomed to saying that; but again, God does not give us commands that are impossible to obey. If the Lord says, “Forgive,” it is because He enables us to forgive. And generally, we cling tooth and nail to the offense committed against us, because sometimes—I have seen this; it is very common—I do not want to let it go; I hold on to that offense tooth and nail. And then we do not release it, and we develop the habit of ruminating. You know what ruminating is, right? You do not know what ruminating is. It is a concept—even in psychology they use that concept. I was surprised to find this idea of ruminating in a psychology book. And of course, it comes from the animal world and refers to herbivorous animals—a little lesson on fauna—herbivorous animals such as cows and horses. I think horses belong in that category; I am not sure. Cows, yes, I know... What they do is eat the food; then they have four compartments in their stomach. The food goes down into one of the compartments, and then the related word is that they regurgitate it. It comes back up the esophagus, the food comes into view again, they chew it again, it goes down, comes up, and goes down; that is what ruminating is. And do you know that many of us are professional ruminators of offenses? That is what we do: we ruminate on offenses. We chew them, they go down, and we hold them here; but at the first opportunity... we bring them back up, bring them into view again, and enter into that game of ruminating. And that is such a very, very harmful habit. What happens is that we cling so tightly to the offense and to the pain it caused us, and we relive them again and again. And in the process we also involve other people, because no one likes to have a rumination party alone. It is better to have guests, so we invite others to enjoy our ruminations too. As a result, we end up not growing, remaining small, and also involving others in the process. So stop ruminating. If that is your habit, acknowledge it and give it up.

Another factor is that this attitude of refusing to forgive and ruminating on offenses leads many of us into bitterness, and once we have bitterness in our hearts, forgiving becomes increasingly difficult. In Hebrews 12:15, there is a verse very familiar to all of us that says, “Look carefully”—it is a serious warning—“look carefully,” and I imagine the Lord pointing His finger... “Look carefully, lest anyone fall short of the grace of God.” Remember, it is not talking about salvation. We have salvation, but grace—that special endowment for living victorious lives—“lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and by it many be defiled.” It is a tremendous verse. Do not allow bitterness to take possession of you. No matter how small that little root of bitterness may be, we have to pull it out by the roots so that it does not hinder you or anyone else. Those who garden know how difficult it is when weeds are allowed to take over. At first they are very small and their roots are quite shallow, so with little effort they can be removed; in five minutes, you have finished weeding. But when we have allowed them to penetrate the soil and become rooted in it, as has happened to me on occasion when I have let them grow, when I have neglected the garden, afterward you pull with all your strength, using a shovel and everything, and even then it is difficult to remove those weed roots. Bitterness is the same way when we allow it to take possession of our hearts. And although forgiving is emotionally costly, refusing to forgive costs much more. We must deal with that matter from the beginning and not allow it to take root there in our hearts.

And the antidote to the root of bitterness is found in Ephesians 4:32, which says, “...instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.” How beautiful! Isn’t it? That is what the Christian life should be: a life in which we show one another mercy and forgiveness. And why? Because Christ forgave us. That is why—because there is gratitude in our hearts—we can also extend that grace to others, so that no root of bitterness may exist in us or enter us, preventing us from forgiving, and so that we do not end up hindering ourselves and others around us.

Another factor that makes it difficult for us to forgive is that many of us did not grow up in a home where forgiveness was practiced. Perhaps the way situations were resolved was by fighting with one another, with no resolution of conflicts and with people giving each other stern looks. I know of homes where people do not speak to one another for a week because of minor offenses. Many of us grew up in homes like that, so we have not seen forgiving love modeled. And I believe it is essential for us to pause in our lives, examine our lives and our family life, and make decisions to heal the soil of our families, so that forgiveness may flow easily and freely. Forgiving, as we have been saying, is not easy, but once it becomes a habit, part of our way of life, it becomes easier and easier. I have been amazed at how, on occasions when very severe trials have come into my life, I have been able to forgive at that very moment. And it is not because I am better than anyone else; it is because I have been practicing this for years, and I know it works. And sometimes you go through processes in which you move backward and forward again—like what I was telling you about ruminating and all that—but the Lord sustains us. If we hold this as a principle for life, He honors us and will help us. So one of the things we can do in our families is model forgiveness, talk about forgiveness, talk about God’s expectations regarding forgiveness, and share our experiences of how God has helped us forgive in very difficult situations. How beautiful it is when we can sit down with our children and talk about how we have handled difficult situations and how God helped us overcome them through forgiveness! That is something that should be part of the culture of every believing family: talking about subjects like those, because that gives us freedom, raises healthy children, helps them understand what God expects, and shows them that in God there is power to fulfill all those requests the Lord makes of us to forgive.

There is a great deal of ignorance, even among God’s people, about the effects of unforgiveness, the effects of bitterness, and the effects of resentment. I see it in families where divorces are taking place or have taken place, where children are used as chess pawns, where parents use the children against the other parent, and where one parent speaks against the other in front of the children. How sad! People fight over property. How is it possible that, if we call ourselves Christians, we are playing games with material things, playing games with the legacy of love that we ought to be passing on to our children, and instead giving them a legacy of mercilessness, of being miserable, of not being generous with our resources and our love, of withholding love and refusing to forgive? That should not be. It is time for God’s church to take this seriously and ask for forgiveness, for every family to ask for forgiveness, and for the value of love and mercy to be restored in our homes. It is a very serious matter; so many children are harmed by it, by the conflicts between their parents. I am not saying that one person has to endure abuse from another. We must be careful; we must be meek, but not weak-minded—there is a difference between being meek and being a fool. It is not that we should be fools, but we can be meek and, at the same time, forgive and maintain a healthy relationship that does not harm our children. Because many times our children are in need, and we run around looking for psychologists for them and spend thousands of dollars on psychologists when it was unnecessary. The harm that child suffered was completely unnecessary; it could have been overcome if we had lived our lives according to the principles of the Word. So it is time for us to review this from the beginning of our lives and make it a light on our path, so that when moments of crisis come—and I say when they come, not if they come, because they will certainly come—the question is when and how, but come they certainly will; they will always come to us. In the world we have affliction, as the Lord Himself said, right? So when those moments arrive, we should already be prepared to meet them with a divine response, not a human response.

Part of this whole matter of bitterness and resentment is, obviously, taking revenge. They say revenge is sweet, right? You have heard that: revenge is sweet. But do not believe it; that is a lie from the devil. Revenge is not sweet. Revenge is bitter, and it causes bitterness. Perhaps it gives you relief at the time and makes you feel better, but in the long run it will create harm and chaos in your life. And revenge is not merely physically hurting someone; it is not taking out a gun and putting it to someone’s temple, nor is it pushing someone or shouting at them. It is speaking harshly, using disrespectful words, refusing to do someone a favor when you could do it, or gossiping about the offender. That is one of our favorites, right? “No, I have already forgiven; everything is fine”—but we never miss an opportunity to ruminate and gossip at the same time. If we can do two things at once, all the better. So we must avoid that as well.

Another way we take revenge is by deliberately burning our husband’s beans—or his tortillas, if you eat tortillas, or his pupusas.... Well, that one had not occurred to me, the thing with the shirt, but... but the point is that we have to... Aha, it seems all of you have tried many techniques. Perhaps we can make a list so that we can renounce them at the end. So what we have to do is renounce revenge in time.

What does the Word say about revenge? To whom does vengeance belong? It belongs to the Lord; it is no longer ours, because many times we cannot see beyond the ends of our noses. So vengeance is not ours; it belongs to the Lord. He will deal with each person as He sees fit.

I want to share with you the example of one of my former clients at work. This woman lived with a husband who was very controlling and who had physically abused her in the past. He had improved a great deal and no longer did that, but he was very controlling, hurtful, and demanding. He would not let her go to church; well, this woman lived with all kinds of difficulties. The point is that one day, while I was talking with her, she began to talk about “that crazy man,” and then I asked her, “Do you treat him that way? Do you call him crazy and use words that dishonor him?” And she told me, “Oh, yes—and I especially do it in front of my children.” I also discovered that she did not cook because she did not want to cook for her husband. So we began to talk, and I challenged her. I said, “I challenge you to do something: during this coming month, you are going to eliminate all those words that dishonor him, and you are going to do precisely the opposite. You are going to honor him; you are going to speak words to him that honor him and place him in a position of respect before you and your children. In addition, you are going to start cooking the food he likes most. Do those two things.” At the same time, I also instructed her on how she could set boundaries against his verbal and emotional abuse and tell him, “Look, this is what I am going to do. I want to go to church at least once a week, and you are going to let me go. You are not going to prevent me from going.” Then I told her, “With firm love, you are going to demand things that are just, but at the same time you are going to place him in a position of honor.” And I challenged her to do it every day for one month. You know, after a month there had been a total spiritual transformation in that house. He had stopped insulting her and allowed her to go to church—with some protest, but that is the least of it. A person can deal with the protest. She was treating him with respect, the atmosphere in the home changed, and the children began to smile more. You could see that a change had taken place; it was a visible change because she dared to adopt the attitude and make the decision to forgive him and to treat him with the respect he deserved. This family was very, very poor at that time, and I am convinced—I felt that this was what the Lord told me—that because she was faithful and obedient in forgiving and in doing what God had commanded her, the Lord even prospered them financially. They went from being very poor, with practically very little food in the refrigerator or the kitchen, to buying a house soon afterward, moving to a better place, and having much healthier finances. That is what forgiveness can do in a life: transform an entire life. Because where forgiveness is absent, there is darkness and oppression. And where forgiveness enters, wonderful things happen. So she is an excellent example of what God can do when we are obedient to Him.

There are many passages in the Word that speak about forgiveness, but there is one that is dramatic, and it is found in Matthew 18:21–35: the parable of the wicked servant. If you would like to find it, I will read it while you listen, or you can also read it in the Bible. Matthew 18:21–35:

Jesus introduces that parable when Peter asked Him, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Peter is thinking, “I did not say three, or one, or two, or four. Seven.” He was being very generous in his forgiveness. He thought the Lord was going to tell him, “Yes, dear child, seven is a lot—perhaps six.” But Jesus told him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but even seventy times seven.” And then Jesus goes on to say in verse 23, “Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he began to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents”—which was an enormous amount. “Since he could not pay, his master ordered that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold so that the debt might be paid. Then that servant fell down before him and pleaded with him, saying, ‘Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay you everything’”—which was impossible; no matter how much he worked throughout his entire life, he would never be able to pay it all. But verse 27 says, “The master of that servant, moved with compassion, released him and forgave him the debt. And as that servant went out, his heart burst with gratitude. He stopped at the nearest flower shop to buy roses to give to everyone he met along the way. As he walked, he also meditated on the great gift he had received from his king and on how he would forgive the debts of others with that same mercy.” End of the parable. Aren’t you going to say anything? I don’t think so! Unfortunately, the parable does not end there; it does not have a happy ending, because verse 28 then says, “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him one hundred denarii”—which is a very small amount—“and grabbing him by the neck, he choked him, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe me.’ Then his fellow servant fell down before him”—doing the same thing he himself had done before the king—“and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything’”—which would have been possible because it was only one hundred denarii. “But he refused. Instead, he went and threw him into prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what was happening, they were deeply grieved, and they went and reported to their master everything that had happened. Then his master called him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then his master, angry, handed him over to his torturers until he should pay everything he owed.” And Jesus concludes the parable with these words: “So also My heavenly Father”—Father God—“will do to you if each of you does not forgive his brother’s offenses from the heart.” Those are direct, cutting words. They go for the jugular. There is no uncertainty there, no “perhaps...” No. What the Lord is telling us is very direct. It is a warning against our natural inclination to withhold grace and mercy, to refuse to give grace and mercy and instead reject forgiveness.

There in that parable we see that what God can do may be limited by the attitude of our hearts—the attitude of unforgiveness. And notice how sad it is: two people ended up in prison. Both the one who had been forgiven by the king and the one who was not forgiven by his fellow servant ended up in prison. Both of them ended up in prison. That is a very clear picture of what happens when we choose to withhold forgiveness and instead take revenge on or get even with someone. We are putting ourselves in prison, and we are putting someone else in prison. We are handing ourselves over to the executioner—or to the torturers, as another version says—and we are doing the same thing to another person. How sad, isn’t it, when you think about the reality that this parable seeks to convey to us! It is very sad that this is what happens in our lives. We must flee from all of that.

I want us to contrast the behavior of the servant in the parable we just read with Joseph’s behavior in Genesis, between Chapters 37 and 50. Obviously, we are not going to read Chapters 37 through 50, because otherwise all of you will fall asleep, or you will die of hunger; one of the two will happen first, right? So, but I encourage those who do not know Joseph’s life to read it today, if you can. Recently, about a month ago, Roberto was preaching about Joseph; I think he preached about four sermons on Joseph’s life, so perhaps some of the concepts are still fresh for some of you, but I want to review as quickly as I can the basic concepts of his life, or rather, his basic biographical facts.

So that you can see, this is the profile of a person who suffered greatly, just as perhaps many of us have suffered greatly at someone’s hands, but at the same time it is the profile of someone who took the opportunity presented by suffering and turned it to good. Nowadays we call it a dysfunctional background, having a very, very dysfunctional family; it was rice pudding mixed with majarete, as I think some people say; it was a complete mess... what went on in that family was very, very dysfunctional, like some of the... then when she had the second son with Jacob, Benjamin, she died, and there was competition among the women with..., so just imagine.

If you have problems with your husband, imagine the problems Jacob had, since he had four. So do not complain openly because of Joseph. He was the son born when he was already... a coat of many colors, so from a distance they could see him walking in that beautiful coat, which shouted his father’s preference for him over all his other brothers. And his brothers’ contempt culminated when he shared with them two dreams he had had in which he appeared as... they decided to kill him... there comes that dreamer... I think—my psychological analysis is—that they actually harbored resentment, a very great resentment against their father, but in a patriarchal society such as this one, obviously they were not going to give free rein to their hatred against their father, so they focused their resentment... I believe, calculating it, they might have been 50 or 60 years old; they were quite a bit older than Joseph, but even so, they seized him. He was spared from that; they decided to put him... they sold him as a slave, they killed him (?) and presented it to their father as though a wild animal had slaughtered Joseph.

Afterward it took him to Egypt, and then at the age of 30 it took him to Pharaoh’s palace... not only because he had interpreted the two dreams, but because he had a special grace. Joseph, at the age of 30, the... already very abundant, which lasted seven years, and then... his importance surpassed only by the authority of... himself. Imagine what a surprise. Can you picture that scene? Joseph, calmly distributing food, when he sees these 10 men arrive. Joseph recognizes them, but they do not recognize him. Remember that twenty... years have passed. Then he... and he also does not identify himself... spies in the land of Egypt. He questions them to find out whether his father and his brother... return to Canaan and, on their return, bring their brother Benjamin, supposedly to prove that he continued testing his brothers, and during his third encounter with them, that sense... was in this process of forgiving, of armor from twenty-some years earlier. ...spend those twenty-two years licking his wounds, sitting around, depressed, defeated,... thoughts, if they crossed his mind, but he had already made decisions... two sons in Egypt; the older one, the firstborn, he named Manasseh, and Manasseh, Ephraim, which means God caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.

What names, so laden with reminders of the healthy decisions he had made in order to live a fruitful life! So very soon after the betrayal, Joseph decided to keep his past from determining his future. He put a stop to it and said: this is as far as it goes; I have gone through an experience of terrible affliction, but I will not allow bitterness to enter my heart, and he also renounced revenge, the possibility of... as a slave. Part of which was spent in prison, when he was unjustly accused by his steward’s wife. So he decided to rebuild his life despite his many problems.

And he decided: I am going to keep moving forward, no matter what my situation may be, no matter what my past may be. He gave him a gift for governing, for being in authority, for administering, and at all times he acknowledges that those gifts come from God. Therefore, there is gratitude in his heart, which enables him more easily not to become bitter. In Joseph we see how he practiced a verse that was written many years later in the Word, written by Solomon in Proverbs 4:23, even though it had not yet been written. That proverb is, “Above everything that is guarded, guard your heart, for from it flows life.” “Above everything that is guarded, guard your heart, for from it flows life.” That is one of those treasure-chest verses, where there is a treasure—a treasure such as the fruit of the Spirit—and my responsibility as a daughter of God is to guard the lid of that chest so that nothing enters it and contaminates the treasures that are there, the place from which life flows. In other words, so that nothing enters that causes spiritual or emotional death, so that nothing becomes contaminated. And that is being emotional beings: we will have emotions, but we do not have to allow them to enter our hearts and settle there. There is a saying—I think it says that you cannot necessarily keep a bird from flying over your head, but you can keep it from making a nest on your head. Isn’t that right? Well, it is more or less the same thing: not letting them damage the life that God has already placed within us.

And I want to share a brief personal testimony with you. I do not need that, but I can listen; it is always good to learn something, and I went to accompany another person whom I believed could benefit more from it, and we began to think about whether there was an absence of forgiveness, whether we were withholding forgiveness from someone, and I confidently thought: Me? I do not think so. But because I am sensitive to the Lord and want to hear His truth, I sat in my chair and said to Him, “Lord, if there is anything in me according to what Your Word says,” and one second later God showed me the image of an apple. There was God’s hand, and there was a beautiful apple; it was almost golden, an apple out of this world, beautiful. And what God did with that apple—this is an image God gave me in my mind, with my eyes closed—I am looking at the apple and realize that one very small corner of the apple... that was what I saw in the apple, as though a piece had been torn off and then put back, covering it up as though nothing had happened, as though... you know that when one begins a marriage, there are so many adjustments; it is incredible.

Everyone who has been married or is beginning that process knows that it is not easy. We have to make many adjustments; there is much to yield, much that must die—well, adjustments of every kind. The point He wanted to make to me was... ask your husband to forgive you for the resentment you harbor from the early years of your marriage. We are talking about 15, 16, 17 years earlier, and I said to Him, “Okay, thank You, Lord; forgive me, Lord, and okay, let us leave the matter here.” But the Lord told me, “No, no, no. You have to go to your husband, and you are going to ask him to forgive you, because this is necessary.” And what is interesting is that after this, the Lord called me—and that had not been on my mind at all—He called me to begin serving in premarital ministry at the church. After that, we started it with a brother from the church, with Gustavo, and we have continued; and since then I have expanded a little more into marriage ministry and counseling in other areas. I am certain that I had to clean out that part of my heart where there was contamination so that the Lord could move me on to the next stage. And in many situations it has become more than clear to me that this is so.

So sometimes that is how we limit it through our bad attitudes and our disobedience. So keep that in mind as an example of how important it is to obey the Lord when He commands us to forgive.

Another thing about Joseph that I want to say is that... the Bible—one thing I find liberating is that the biblical protagonists, if you notice, are flesh-and-blood people; they are not unattainable figures of unattainable perfection. Quite the opposite. They are people with limitations and afflictions, like you and me. When I understood that, I said, “Aha, then the truth of the... able, then we are wasting our time.” But the Word is very clear about this; it presents people in full color, both the good and the bad. We see that in David’s life, in Gideon’s life; all the great biblical protagonists... he identifies them and treats them roughly, and it is in Acts when later he will reveal himself to them, and it also gave him time to process his emotions.

Imagine that he finds himself in this situation: it is a normal day, he is doing his work, and suddenly those 10 come in, and for the first time in 22 years he sees his 10 brothers, whom he had last seen in such a terrible situation, when they had wanted to kill him, when they had insulted him, perhaps shoved him, and played with his life as they tried to decide what they would or would not do with him. They had shut him in a pit, and he did not know whether it had water in it or not; it turned out that it did not. God provided for him in that way: the pit had no water. He is sold, he has to be separated from his father, he has known nothing about them for 22 years, and after 22 years he encounters them there before him. It is not logical to think that, humanly speaking, he would have said, “Oh, my brothers, come in, welcome. How is Dad? Come, let us eat. Let us all go to McDonald’s together; let us celebrate.” And that is something we have to do. I have seen many people who, in their eagerness to supposedly obey the Lord, have moved ahead of the Lord’s timing, and what they have done is cut short what God wanted to do.

I have seen that in marriages where the spouses have been separated and have been trying to resolve important issues in their lives, where they had been hurt... according to God’s timing, and that does not work. In fact, after serious crises such as adultery, I have seen men demand all the privileges of marriage from their wives when there is still a wound, when things still need to be discussed, when there still has to be a process. And I believe it is healthy for all of us—that is, both the offender and the one who was offended—to recognize, and it is liberating to recognize, that we need not only time, but God working through time, so that God can perform the miracles He wants to perform, and then, when there is a reunion, it will be on solid ground where God can truly be glorified. That is essential; that is God’s wisdom. Do not rush God’s timing. So many times I have seen, for example, women who have terribly offended one another, and one of them is saying, “Come to my house for dinner.” But how can she come to your house for dinner if you are still processing things and are not yet in a condition for it to be a social experience? We are in a position to prepare the way so that restoration and reconciliation can indeed take place.

So I ask you to apply that to your lives if you are in a crisis situation, and to teach it to others as well. Do not rush other people. I have seen people telling someone else, “No, go back to your husband; go back to your wife. Why did you separate?” No. God knows how to do things, and there must be balance in everything; it is God working through time that brings healing. And I believe that this was part of what Joseph... part of his purpose in waiting that time, because of all the... them. And when he finally revealed his identity to his brothers, it says that he wept aloud; all of this is a reconciliation with his brothers. That is sufficient in the Lord’s order. When Joseph revealed his identity to his brothers, he had already forgiven them many years earlier as a decision, an act of the will, but here he also forgives them emotionally. He shows them warmth and affection; he makes them feel welcome. In fact, we see that one of the verses says, “When he revealed himself... give us so that you can move here soon; tell my father that I am alive, that I want to see him.” Imagine all those emotions, and Joseph was able to be generous because he had already forgiven long before. He was able to be generous in reestablishing that whole connection with his brothers...

In Genesis 45:5–7 it says: “...now then,” he tells his brothers, “do not be grieved” (they were not grieved; they were terrified of the revenge Joseph might take against them, right?), but he tells them: “...now then, do not be grieved or distressed that you sold me here, because God sent me ahead of you to preserve life. For there have already been two years of famine throughout the land, and five years still remain, and God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a posterity on the earth and to keep you alive through a great deliverance.”

So he interprets for them God’s purpose. Many times we do not know why, but many times we can live out God’s purpose. Therefore, because Joseph’s life was centered on God, he knew providence, he knew the hand of God in his life, and so he was able to grant lasting forgiveness. In fact, years later, when Jacob dies after 17 years in Egypt, the brothers become afraid again and say, “Oh, now that Father has died, perhaps vengeance is coming, because Father is no longer here to defend us and maintain a neutral position.” But once again, look at what Joseph says to them: “Do not be afraid. Am I in the place of God? In other words, can I take revenge on you? You intended evil against me.” That is, he tells them, “You truly sinned wickedly, terribly, but God intended it for good, to bring about what we see today, to keep many people alive. Now then”—look how tender Joseph is with his brothers—“now then, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your children.” Thus he comforted them and spoke to their hearts. That is complete forgiveness: there is the decision to forgive out of the desire to please God, to be obedient, and then it is combined with the emotional part, in which we give warmth and affection and mercy to the one who does not deserve it. Because that is what mercy is. Mercy is showing favor and grace to someone who does not deserve it. So Joseph held nothing back; he was generous in every respect, in word and deed.

And to finish, I am going to review a list of what Joseph chose. Joseph chose to forgive and bear fruit even in the midst of affliction. He did that early in his journey. He chose to reject bitterness. He chose to renounce revenge. He chose to extend grace and mercy to those who betrayed him. In other words, in summary, that was what Joseph chose. And because Joseph was faithful in that regard, because he chose all those things that were for his good and for the good of many people, as he says, he also reaped a great harvest and reaped the fruit of reconciliation with his brothers. If he had withheld forgiveness, reconciliation could not have taken place. He reaped the fruit of sharing with his father Jacob during the last 17 years of his life. Jacob, who had lost all hope of seeing Joseph again because he believed him to be dead, not only sees Joseph during those 17 years, enjoys him, enjoys his presence, his company, and what God has done in his life, but also sees Joseph’s sons. So here is yet another benefit of Joseph’s forgiveness: Jacob was blessed by it.

Joseph also reaped the fruit of being an instrument for the salvation of his entire household. Because his heart was sensitive to the Lord, his entire household—that is, we are talking about a large group of people—was saved from starving to death.

He also reaped the fruit of being a channel of blessing to future generations, which did not have to live under the curse of unforgiveness. And can you imagine how different things would have been if he had withheld forgiveness? What would his own children have learned? First, whether he would have reached the position of honor in which God placed him would be a question. What legacies would have been passed down from generation to generation throughout that family because there had been no forgiveness? So he broke that cycle and established a legacy of forgiveness.

Joseph also reaped the fruit of being an instrument in God’s hands so that the promise God had made—first to Abraham, then to Isaac, and then to Jacob—would continue to be fulfilled. So he was faithful because, if you remember, in the land of Egypt the people of Israel multiplied and grew strong. Later they were used as slaves for many years in Egypt, but eventually God raised up Moses, and after a time the promise that they would enter the Promised Land was fulfilled. So Joseph was part of the fulfillment of that promise, which would not have happened if he had not been faithful.

In conclusion, I want to encourage each of you to decide today to embrace forgiveness as part of your personal vision. As we were saying earlier, if we wait until there is a crisis before deciding whether or not to forgive, we are... we have already lost part of the battle. As part of our way of life, we must decide to be people with a vision of forgiveness, so that when those moments come, we immediately go before the Lord and are able to forgive the person who has offended us.

I encourage you to develop a forgiving heart and to make forgiveness a way of life, a habit, so that when the offense comes, your first thought is not, “Which baseball bat should I use? What should I hit them with? What should I do to them?” No. Instead, there should immediately be a sense of introspection, of examining your heart and resolving to forgive.

When I was preparing this talk, God brought to my mind—how does God work?—He brought to my mind a person who hurt me very seriously many years ago, and I acknowledged before the Lord that my forgiveness was still not complete, and from afar I blessed her. And I am trusting that God heard that prayer. I know He heard it; I know that in this regard He saw my heart, saw the sincerity of my heart, and that something is going to happen concerning this, because that is how our God works. He provides opportunities for us. It is possible that, while you were listening to all of this, someone came to mind. Do not leave here thinking that the person simply came to mind by chance. Do something about it. Take with you all those concepts we examined. I know we have covered many concepts about forgiveness. If you have questions, buy the CD or whatever it may be so that you can review the concepts, because they are all essential concepts for living a healthy life.

If Joseph had not forgiven, he would have forgiven himself so much. And if you and I do not forgive, we also lose a great deal. We may suffer irreparable harm. We may be condemning our family to a legacy in which there is no forgiveness. God wants to change that. God wants to change that among His people. A little while ago we were talking about healing the land; this is one way we heal the land. Forgiveness heals the land. Sometimes we have to forgive terrible things that have been done to us; sometimes we have to forgive ourselves. There are people who have done things they know displeased God, and they cannot forgive themselves. So today I beg you to take all these things seriously. They are not simply beautiful things the Lord says in His Word; they are not simply interesting lives on the pages of the Bible. It is for our instruction, for our strengthening, for our healing, so that we may be healthy people, so that we may be healthy families, so that we may be a healthy church.

I ask the Lord that this may be a truly healing church, and one of the facets of healing is forgiveness. Imagine someone coming here and seeing discord among us, seeing little disputes that continue for years without being resolved, seeing that when a brother comes, we turn our faces away so as not to see him. That grieves the heart of God, and I rebuke that in the name of the Lord. Do not do that; ask the Lord for freedom. Ask for the freedom to act with the gentleness of the Spirit and with the truth of what the Word says. May we be merciful to one another; may we forgive one another. That is what the Lord commands us to do.

Let us stand to close with a prayer. Although we have been praying, speaking about the Word is also, in a sense, praying. Lord, thank You. Father, thank You for Your Word this morning, Lord. Oh, Father, Lord, we come before You, Lord. We acknowledge that we are limited beings, Lord. We acknowledge that on our own we cannot do everything You have commanded us to do, Lord. But at the same time, we declare, Father, that if You have commanded us to forgive, it is because in You we have everything we need to forgive, Lord. Father, I ask that if a name or a person’s face has come to our minds today as we have spoken about so many things concerning forgiveness, we would follow up on that, Lord. Father, I ask You, Lord, for fruit. I ask You for fruit—true and abundant fruit, Lord—from having been in Your presence dealing with this subject, Lord. Father, I ask You to release, Lord, release the anointing to forgive, Lord. I ask You, God, to shake Your people, Lord; shake the complacent, Lord. Shake us, Lord. Shake us free from our wickedness, from our lack of mercy, Lord. Shake us, Lord, and cleanse us, Lord. Lord, may our hearts be clean before You, Lord. Father, cleanse our minds, Lord, so that the ideas You have proclaimed in Your Word, Lord, may be ours, Father.

I ask You, Lord, to cast out from us thoughts that are not Yours and replace them with the truth of Your Word, Lord. I ask You, Father, to place a hunger and thirst for righteousness in this place, Lord. May Your righteousness, Lord, be what governs our relationships, not our own righteousness, Lord, which is a human, flawed, and fallen righteousness, Lord. May we handle our relationships, Lord, and handle forgiveness and reconciliation, Lord, according to what Your Word says, Lord. Father, as a people, Father, we renounce resentment, we renounce bitterness, we renounce everything that displeases You, Lord. We renounce revenge, Father. Oh, Lord, we acknowledge that vengeance is Yours, Father, and Yours alone. Father, cleanse us. Again I say to You, Lord, shake Your people, cleanse Your people, Lord, so that the revival You want to bring about among us may take place, Lord. Father, may we not be preoccupied with petty things, hurting one another, failing to forgive, withholding forgiveness, Lord. On the contrary, may all that energy we use on foolish and vain things, Lord, be used for the advancement of Your kingdom, Lord, so that we may live holy lives, Lord, lives that testify that Your presence is within us and that the character of Christ is what motivates everything we do and everything we think, Lord.

Lord, make us a light, Lord, in a high place, Lord. A holy light, Father, shining in all its splendor, Father. We ask Your forgiveness, Father, for our sins. We ask Your forgiveness for the times we have withheld forgiveness, Lord, and have been disobedient, Lord. And today we declare, Lord, that we will be obedient and sensitive to Your Spirit, Lord. Lord, I ask You to uncover what has been covered and hidden, Lord, during this time, Father; bring what is hidden into the light, Lord, and may each one of us be faithful in doing what we have to do, Lord. May each person be obedient, Father, obedient. Father, I ask You to pursue me, to pursue each of my brothers and sisters, Lord, and may there be no peace in their hearts, Lord, until they do what You want each one to do, Lord. Only You know what that is for each person, Lord. Father, pour out an anointing of forgiveness in this place, Lord. Use us, Father, to bring healing to the land, Lord. Thank You, Father. Thank You for Your love, Your mercy, and Your Word, Lord. Thank You, Lord, in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Sermon by Mercedes Miranda recorded December 4, 2005, at Congregación León de Judá (62 min.)

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