Women's Ministry Seminar: September 22, 2007

There are homes that are totally broken, they are rotten, we could say. But there are also healthy homes, but I tell you that even in healthy homes a lot happens and a girl who is raised in a healthy home is susceptible to many other influences. Sometimes no matter what the parents try to do, they are exposed to the media, to the rest of the community, and we can't necessarily assume that they are going to be safe.

Even though this looks like this, when you look at it you say, well, what do you do then? When I worked with Straight Ahead, when I arrived from the beginning it was a shock, cultural and of all kinds, emotional, spiritual. Everything, almost every day I came home and cried for a while, because I said, what can I do with this? Youngsters who seem to have no hope, no parents involved, or parents better not be involved, are victims of abuse and have been so, so, so damaged that where do you even begin to try to heal them?

But, we know that we have a God who does heal, right?, who has called us to restore, who has done works of restoration in our own lives and no one, no one, no one escapes of God and the hand of hope of the Lord.

What I want to do is invite you to be agents of redemption in the lives of girls and young women. I would like us to see the parable of the prodigal son. They don't have to look for it, almost all of us know what happens in the story. If someone brave dares to tell me what is happening in the story, so that I don't speak it all to myself, isn't there anyone brave?

One of the children... this man has a lot of money and has 2 children, one of them seems to be getting married and living in the house and decides to leave and takes his inheritance. He is going to spend money on pleasure, on making lots of friends while he has money. But at a certain point all his money was spent, his friends left, he's left alone, he doesn't have a job, he doesn't have any money, and then he has this dilemma of how to get out of it and he remembers the home where he was, that everything was fine. there and he decides to go back and asks for forgiveness and his father, who is very good, forgives him and throws a party and everything.

Thank you very much, that's exactly what happened. And what was it that killed? A little calf, the best he had. Let's try to get into the story. Miriam described very well what happened there, but let's go a little deeper.

What is the son's situation? If we were to describe it in a very, very clinical, or very compassionate way, what is going on in that boy's mind? Let's say he was a teenager, he was probably a teenager at that age. What is going on in that young man's mind?

Don't have money? what else? Regret, and before reaching regret what was happening in his...... Guilt, hunger. When one is hungry for the moment everything looks more beautiful. What else? ........... was able to see it better when he was already suffering what he was suffering. He was lost, he had lost everything, he had absolutely nothing left. In fact, well, as many of you know this was a young Jew and he was working for a Gentile, which was a great dishonor for a Jewish person. He was taking care of pigs, which is an unclean animal for Jews. So he had descended to the lowest of the lowest. And not even the food of the pigs could be eaten.

So how can you get any deeper than that? And how did dad receive it? The father, the father as a Jewish father that he was and as a person of money, was probably a person of great dignity, for a man from the Middle East it looked bad for you to run out in your tunic, that is not done. You take care of your dignity, in fact they say that there is a vanishing ceremony, let's say,... a ceremony that is carried out to exile youngsters who have wasted their father's inheritance and in that ceremony corn is burned, walnuts are burned as a symbol that we discarded you from our village, from our life, from our community and that young man can never return to his parental home.

So when that young man was in his moment of desperation and was about to go back to his parents' house, imagine how scared he was that they were going to do this to me, I'm going to be ashamed, they're going to to reject in front of everyone, and dad knew that too, right? Dad knew that could happen.

How does dad receive it? ..... And why do you think he saw it from afar? He was probably expecting it.....exactly. What else? He has a party and celebration, I don't have the ticket in front of me, but in the English version it says that he grabbed his neck. That wasn't like, ah, yeah, yeah, well let's see if it's true if we can hit you again at home.

No, it was, as it says in English, all out. She ran away, she ran to him, she didn't even wait for him to get close. He ran out to where he was and we can still speculate that he ran out to protect him from the neighbors, who already have their eyes on him. He was grabbed by the neck, there is no dignity..... what dignity? That didn't matter, what mattered was showing him, letting that young man know 'I love you. No matter what you did in the past, I forgave you. I am waiting for you with crazy anxiety, it is good that you came home, and now we are going to celebrate that you returned.

I imagine the consequences, because even as we, even after being lost, return to the path of the Lord, there are consequences. But there was a lot of celebration and a love with open arms. I propose that we use this parable as a model for us to work with girls and young people. And that girl could be your daughter and how many times have I talked to mothers who are in situations with very rebellious daughters, the daughter has despised her, mistreated them. And I believe that the heart, even of a mother, grows cold and it reaches the point where one says, 'well, not anymore'. And the heart resents, hardens, it is difficult to forgive. You are human.

Similarly when we are working with young girls, girls on the streets or wherever..... shelters, in your case, you know that they come with a lot, a lot of load, you know that probably in my case I was working in the detention center they had done some of them terrible things and even one's heart can harden very easily, because it's very easy to say, 'well, you asked for it. You put yourself in that situation.

But, God has given us a model that I would say is radical, which is very different from what they tell us what we should do. And accept them with open hearts and arms, leaving the offenses behind, and in that there is great healing.

So let's talk about what are the attributes of an effective health minister. It is a person who receives her with open arms. There is no resentment, even if it is your daughter, there is no resentment, there is a celebration of the life of that girl, of that young woman. And in this I tell you, look, sometimes you have to celebrate the smallest things.

I remember for a young girl that she gave me, at first she was very, very, very tough, she was... she was chubby and her appearance was very tough, and it was all me. But when I saw her for the first time, at that time I was very skinny and she says... oops, if that girl caught me, and in fact, one of her problems was with 'battery and assault', it was from having hit her other people, I think his mom included, so if he doesn't like me...

So at first it was really hard, I would get close to him, I was terrified. I would approach her, talk to her, and I remember the first time that girl smiled at me. For me it was something so and so big because I already knew that I was inside, I had reached their inner group. So sometimes it's not a matter of celebrating…she went through detention, she kept skipping school, she kept getting in trouble, but you had to celebrate that little thing, which was that she had been able to smile and she didn't smile much. So let's still celebrate the small things, and I say the same to them, 'moms, sisters, aunts, celebrate the small things. Sometimes this is very difficult, I say so, it is very difficult to celebrate something small because you see so many problems that what you want to see is real change. You want to see it now, but I celebrate the small first.

You have to forgive. Again, sometimes this is more difficult for those who are mothers who have been very hurt by their daughters or their granddaughters because, this comes, it is very personal, you have been raising that girl, you have seen her grow, you have gone through bad nights with her, everything and forgiving is more difficult than a person who comes into the life of a young woman and comes more in a more distanced way, but you have to forgive.

And even as a minister, let's say you're working on a program or here at church you're mentoring a young woman, you're going to get hurt. And many times they will reject you and you have to forgive. No, don't hold it against her. You have to be patient.

I would say this is one of the most important qualities is patience because progress is going to be very, very slow. What takes a long time to go wrong, takes a long time to straighten out and you have to go into the situation, you have to go into the relationship knowing that it is, otherwise you are going to be sorely disappointed and you may leave the relationship prematurely because you think that there will be no change.

I know that I have worked with young women and I did not see a big change, but I know that I added a grain and maybe the one that comes after me will add another grain, and God has not forgotten her. Maybe I will never see the happy ending of the story, maybe I will never have that privilege, but that doesn't mean that God isn't still around that life. So, be patient knowing that it is a process of years and it is not a process of days or months.

Don't take rejection personally. Again, it is very difficult. If they tell you, 'I don't want you to see me again, I hate you', one takes it very literally. Well, she doesn't want me to see her again and I'm leaving now.

I'm going to tell you, there's a tremendous book that if you're interested in working with young people in big trouble, it's excellent, it's called, it's by Scott Larson, who is the creator of Straight Ahead ministries, “ Reaching out for a prodigal sons and daughters”. I think that's what it's called, or something very similar, if you do a search on the Internet.

And he tells the story of a little girl who had been very, very hard to connect with, very hard to reach. They finally go camping, they go camping for about a week and during that time of being like this all week together, the girl begins to lower her barriers, they begin to connect, they have a great time, they are all very excited about what what is happening in her life; and when they go back home, they left her at home, she can't take it anymore with all the good things that are happening. She tells them that she hates them, that she hopes they'll die, that they'll leave her right there that she's going to walk home. Where did that come from? What an open refusal to be told, 'I hope you die'.

But since these were youth workers, with young people who were already very expert, they knew that this should not be taken too personally and they kept looking for her and after that there was great progress in the relationship with that young woman, because she realized that I can reject them, hurt them and they will continue to love me. And they will test your limits, over and over again. Many times an expression of rejection is an expression of fear. I'm afraid that if I let you get closer to me you're going to hurt me first, so for you to hurt me first, I hurt you, so get out of my life.

Many times when this happens the young person, if you know how to handle the situation well, the young person begins to take great steps in a relationship and in improving yourself with you. So don't give up.

Perseverance, the same, as I said before that this is not a process of days or months, it is a process of years. Maybe you are not going to stay in the life of that young woman for years, but for the time that it is your turn to be in that life, persevere, do not give up.

I read the example of a mentor who was working at Straight Ahead, he had assigned a young man to him. The mentor had made arrangements with that young man to go see him at his house, 7 times in a row the mentor traveled the distance to the young man's house. 7 times in a row no one answered the door, 7 times.

I ask myself, how many times would I have gone back to that young man's house? And I think that the fourth time, because it happened to me many times, but the fourth time one says, well, no, not for what if she's not interested. So by the eighth time, this mentor had decided that he was not coming back. I'll be back, this is the last time I try. Obviously it has no interest, after this I will not return. He travels back to the young man's house, no one answers the door when he rings the bell. She turns to go home and from the boy's bedroom window, he yells at her, 'wait, don't go'.

He runs downstairs and they finally spend some time together. That same relationship that lasted through the years and later that young man confessed that he knew he was there at home, but he was testing it, because there had been so much disappointment from people who, adults who had said they were going to be in his life, yes, I'm going to look for you, but they were never, never consistent, he had to prove it. So.... persevere.

I hope it doesn't touch you 7 times, but it can be 7 times and our vision is so limited and if you gave up the fourth time and the fifth time, that was when God had determined that you were going to connect with that young woman, wouldn't that be sad? So persevere, and maybe the eighth doesn't show up either, and well, there comes a point where you have to quit, but don't give up too soon.

At Straight Ahead in training, mentors are told, 'hope that out of 10 calls you make, you can talk to that young man or woman once.' That seems like a lot of wasted time. In our mentality of taking advantage of time, of doing this and that, this is wasted time. It is making me waste my time and one resents it a lot. It is not wasted time because those 10 calls, 10 messages that you left on the cell phone, 10 times that he or she saw that you were interested, and they know that you are really interested. You are doing what no one else does. That is important.

Respect even when you are not respected. Again very difficult. Sometimes they will literally insult you, they will say ugly things to you. Don't take it personally, very difficult, but try not to take it personally. Look at that young woman, at that girl, try to see her with the eyes of Christ and try to get perspective, why is this girl treating me like this? What has he suffered? Many times it is that she feels threatened by you, many times it is that she loves you very much and does not know how to drive. It's a totally different relationship.

Don't run from conflict. This is super important because many times our natural tendency is to retotototot.... fight or flee from the conflict, it's one or the other. You can see the conflict with these young people and with anyone as an opportunity. It may be that through that conflict, the relationship becomes more solid. And in fact many times it is like that and you have probably experienced it with your family and friends. When one has conflicts with a person and you enter into a conversation with that person and there is a good resolution, what happens? It tells you, I can trust this person because even if we fight or argue, or if we don't agree, or if we hurt each other, she's not going to leave my life, she's not going to run away. So don't run away from conflict, use it constructively. Be well wise. Conflict can obviously also result in the destruction of a relationship. Be wise about what to confront and what is not so important and how to confront. Pray a lot.

An effective minister is a person who overcomes her prejudices. When I started working with young people in this city, I had many, many prejudices and I'm sure I still have them, and I felt very frustrated with myself to see how many prejudices I had. Because working with adults is more or less similar to one and one interacts and more or less talks like one. But when you are working with young people especially for me, I grew up in Puerto Rico. I grew up in a middle-class family, a very different culture, coming here to work in an inner city urban culture, it's very different: how they dress, the pants, you know... And they have an appearance... ... you understand, you understand... The movements, the gestures, the attitude of the face, the expression of the face is often very hard even when they are not angry, they seem to be angry, an attitude of 'no you mess with me', to intimidate. And that was one of my great prejudices: these youngsters...... and I didn't think very well.

It may be that for you a problem is racial, it may be very difficult for you to accept it, but look at your heart. Maybe it's not with black people, maybe it's not with white people, it's also with Asians, maybe it's with a particular ethnicity or maybe you don't have any problem working with Vietnamese, but working with Haitians makes it more difficult for you.

Examine your prejudices and overcome them. Sometimes it is that if you know that if you know that there was something in his past in particular, it is very difficult for you to handle it. You can deal with everything, but if that young man killed someone, that's as far as we're at. It seems like that would be very natural, right? But no, get over your prejudices because Christ still works with murderers, even with rapists, for me they are very hard, working with people who have committed sexual crimes, and maybe you are not ready to work with people who have a past specific. You have to be honest with yourself but don't leave it there, examine your heart and try to get over it and examine your life.

If you want to heal or help heal others, although you can start moving in that direction even when you are not healthy, your impact will be much greater when you have already achieved healing in your life. I tell you that from my own experience. When you start working with young people, or ministering to any broken person, at the moment you come across, for example, someone who has been sexually abused and maybe that was your case and you want to minister to that person but you bring all your burden emotional, spiritual of what happened to you.

Although that can make you much more qualified to minister to that person, because you are speaking from the perspective of someone who was there, on the other hand, if you still carry a lot of resentment in your heart, a lot of anger, perhaps when you try to minister to that person, you will pass all your load of anger and frustration on him and that is not healthy.

So I ask you, where you are ministering, to examine your life, make it a habit, in an area in your life there has been no healing, think about your childhood, maybe it is healthy. Maybe not. Maybe it was an unhealthy relationship with your parents, with your dad, with your mom, maybe you were physically, sexually, or emotionally abused and you haven't processed it. Perhaps you had an abortion and you have never told anyone, you have not sought healing in that area. How many things, right? So examine yourself and seek healing, it does not necessarily mean that you put ministering to other broken people on hold, but at least at the same time you take time to work on yourself.

And think about how you express yourself, what is your vocabulary. You are going to be under the peephole of children and young people and I tell them that any inconsistency they see in your character, they will see it, and many times they will point it out to you. And how good... And now I see Ester and when I get upset and do something, she's tiny, she's one year old, but she's very perceptive, when I get upset, sometimes it has nothing to do with her, She looks at me like that... for what she's doing and looks at me like that... I, no, I have to learn to manage my anger better, because she's looking at me and I don't want her to learn that? TRUE?

How you express yourself, what words you say, what thoughts you have, how you look at your own body, how you express yourself about your body. You keep saying, 'oh, I'm so fat, I look like an elephant', or 'oh, I look so ugly', or how you express yourself about men. When I was working here as a discipleship teacher, I had a group of girls from 11 to 14 years old and I remember once, out of the blue, one of the girls asked me, why are all men pigs? We weren't talking about piglets, and out of nowhere she asks me why are all men pigs? And I was surprised, I did not expect the question, and so I asked him 'and why do you say that? He says, well, it's because my mom says that all men are pigs. Ahhhh... so how do you refer to other people and in particular if you are working with young women and girls how do you talk about men.

A phrase that I hope that in our Christian circle we don't use many, but it is very common, 'all men are pigs', 'all men are crap', 'all men are going to hurt'. And that is not so, that is not true. There are very good men. There are men who are not going to hurt you, there are men who are going to hurt you but they are also going to make you very happy. Communicate to them a more realistic picture of how things are.

So if you still feel like all men are pigs, that's one area of healing to start working on. Even if all the men in your life have been pigs, think that maybe there are others out there who aren't.

In the area of examining your life, what do you watch, what movies do you watch, what books do you read, what magazines do you read. Forgive you that you love novels and that you take time for that, but I am going to talk about that a little bit. And I speak of that because I frequently see that the picture, the panorama that is presented, the model that is presented many times in these novels is of very unhealthy relationships, oversexualized relationships; it's all about sex and romance, infidelity, it's not about love and respect. And look, to speak frankly, it's pornography many times. It is no longer like the little novels that sometimes came out before. Now it's pornography.

If you like that kind of show, again examine your heart and think about what you're putting out, why you like it, what derives from it, and maybe the Lord is calling you to walk away of that. And even as a test, stop watching them for a while to see what will happen to your psyche.

................... and this two and a half year old girl, that I am working with her in the dining room of her house, at the moment he hears the music that indicates that a novel is coming, and the girl does... 'my novel', two and a half years. I couldn't believe it, 'My novel', she has already appropriated the novel that her mother saw for her, but it is already hers, it is her novel. So yeah...

Oh yeah, they're watching... what good can watching a soap opera do a two-year-old? What is he learning? And that's where we continue with the movies. Sometimes when, speaking of this, it is that one cannot be too rigid and everything else, but one has to ask oneself, what mother are you seeing, and what effect is that having inside you, even if you are not realizing it? the effect it is having on you. If over and over again you see movies where the heroine and the hero of the movie, the protagonists of the movie have passionate sex before they are obviously not married.....how many times do we see a married couple in a movie having passionate sex. It's not very common, is it? The common thing is that if it is passionate sex it is between two people that is simply illegal, they meet and we fall in love. It's really hard for that kind of perspective not to start creeping into your psyche, the way we function. Even as adults we are sponges and it will have consequences on how you relate to men, the expectations that you will have of your marriage later on. Because if you think that well, we get married and we are happy for the rest of our lives, look how well we did before we got married, and marriage is a tremendous thing. It is a tremendous thing but you also have to work a lot. It's not this fake romanticism that movies present to us over and over again.

The language you're seeing, hearing, the violence you're participating in. I say that if my baby is not fit to watch a movie, then probably neither am I. If I don't want her to see violence and blood and sex, then I probably shouldn't be seeing it either. And with what spiritual authority am I going to tell my baby, no, that's not good for you, if I participate in it. And I'm telling you that, this is an attitude of my whole life, and it's very difficult because telling a girl, a young woman, an adult, no, you shouldn't see that, that's like 'please, it's on television and everyone, and mommy if I don't see it, everyone in my class sees it, and if I don't see it they'll think I'm weird. And everyone is talking and I don't know anything about it.'

I know from personal experience. So, it's going to be a tough battle with her girls, with her young men, with her husband, and with yourself. Do not give up. Try it. More and more my husband and I watch less and less and less television, and God, well it's not necessary, and I see the transformation that occurs in my emotions, in my mind, in my thoughts, because those things contaminate us.

The same thing with music, later I'll talk about other things. So examine your life, examine your conduct. If you want to work with young people, remember that you are going to be under the magnifying glass, that you are going to be seeing every aspect of your life, they are going to see the inconsistencies and you want to be a good role model for them.

And finally intercede in prayer for them. Now, it's a little different for me, God has reminded me over and over again 'you have to intercede, especially now that I'm a mother, it's something very personal', cover our daughters, protect them in prayer, ask God for the affirmation of his character, for his protection. But sometimes we fall into a mode, in a routine of doing and doing and doing and doing and how do I get this girl.... and we're going to look for this, maybe this will help her, and what can I tell her... The basis of your intervention with her must be constant prayer for her.

You are not doing this alone, you are doing it because the Lord has called you to do it, it is the call of every Christian to be a healing agent for other people, so no one knows your daughter or your little cousin better , or your little sister, or the young lady you are working with than God so if you want direction, no one better than God to give it to you.

And what can we do like that in a more practical way? If you want to work with young women and you don't know where to start, start by choosing a young woman, you may want to choose more, but start with one, and she can be your daughter. Maybe it is time to decide that you are going to approach the relationship with your daughter in a different way, it can be your little sister; it can be your neighbor; It can be a young woman from the church that God has given you a special love for, someone that you feel an affinity with when you see her, that God may continue to put her on your path. Pick a girl. Start your relationship. No, don't expect that young lady, or a girl to come to you and say, 'you know what? I've been thinking and praying a lot and the Lord has told me that you should be my mentor, so why don't we make a date, look at the calendar and see when we can meet. That doesn't usually happen. You have to initiate, you are the adult. This is still for your children, with your children.

Many times parents are already so hurt, and they feel so rejected, and they say 'but if I'm already tired of starting, why am I going to start once more if it doesn't make a difference. She rejects me, she is no longer interested. Maybe you're waiting for her to initiate because she's the one who hurt, she's the one who created the distance. You will be waiting. rarely happens. Be the one who initiates the relationship, you are the adult.

Make a long-term commitment. If you want to start investing in the life of a young man or woman and you think that you are going to do it for three months and then we will see, you better not do it. Maybe this is the case if you plan to invest in the life of any person, an adult, but with a young person, the wound that can be created in that person's life, if that is the way you are seeing the situation, is more dangerous, because many times the adults in their lives have arrived and have arrived for weeks, maybe if the youngster is lucky, a few months and then no more, they can't anymore; other commitments, I no longer have time, this and that.

If you're going to invest in a young woman's life, a girl, do it for the long term because if you're not going to let her down, you're going to hurt her more, especially with young girls and girls who have already been hurt over and over again. Once, they have lost people in their lives over and over again, you don't want to be another person.

Be a good role model for her. Mark time in your calendar that is just fun time, and I say to moms, in particular, this is not the time to scold them or tell them to dress differently. Fun time is fun time. Scolding is not fun. So in your special time with her, it's special time. Bite your tongue if you have to, but have a great time with her.

Again I say to moms, talk to them from when they are little. Don't expect him to be a teenager to try to establish communication and tell you everything that is happening in his life. If you didn't invest in her when she was little, the road when she's older will be harder. It is not impossible, there is hope, but it will be harder, so start a conversation, not only by telling your baby or your little sister or whoever, but by asking them about their dreams. What do you think about this? Look, even in politics, children can surprise you with the ideas they have. Sometimes they are very illuminated.

Arrange time for that young lady with other girls around her age. And maybe, there is no group near you that you think is a good group for my girl, so start it yourself. I tell the mentors or the people here in the church who want to work with girls, if there isn't that kind of group where your girl can develop, do fun activities, organize it yourself, unite with other women and do it together.

Try to make time for that girl with other adults, people who are experts in, there is a particular man who is the director of an agency, who has worked with young people for a long time, he says to take 6 adults, for the least in a child's life to be actively involved with him or her, to make a difference in his or her life. So, have contact with other youngsters.

Youth groups, youth groups in the church are very good, but many times what happens is that young people isolate themselves, it is a separate group, it is a separate culture, there is not much interaction with adults do not do activity together. We as adults need young people, we need their perspective and young people, as young people, need our perspective. So expose these girls to other adults.

And if you're afraid, admit it. Once again I think of the mothers who are terrified of spending time alone with their children, because what am I going to talk about if I take her out to do something together. I have nothing to talk about with her and we are already so hurt, and there is so much tension. Acknowledge that you are afraid. You don't have to tell her, but admit it to yourself and to God. Pray, and still afraid, throw yourself. Do what you have to do, you'll see. You may not see much fruit at first, but persevere.

I don't have much time left and I know it's getting late and I want to tell you my testimony that illustrates many of the elements that I've been talking about, so I'm going to hit you real quick without being able to get into this. If you have questions about what I'm going to talk about now, if there's time, you can ask me at the end.

These are specific problems for young women. One of them is abuse, physical, emotional and sexual abuse, although in our society that happens to children too, and to young people more and more. There are still many more girls and young women who are being sexually abused. We don't want to think that this is going to happen to the girl that we are ministering to, or to our daughter, and we don't want to be paranoid, but at the same time we have to be very alert.

Sleep-overs are always very dangerous for me. I am not going to tell them to forbid it, but I am going to tell them to have a lot of discretion and that your girl, if your girl is going to stay at the house of a little friend or a cousin, that you know the parents, that they know which ones they are your values, be that way, well... ask questions and make a decision, and if you have made the decision that 'no, you are not going to stay at someone's house', well, that's fine too. It is better if your girl wants to share a sleep-over experience with another girl, do it at home, where you know what is happening.

A word about what happens in the houses, in our houses. We want to think that this is not going to happen under our roof, right? But sometimes that does happen under our roofs. Keep your eyes wide open, sometimes... I don't know, an uncle is staying at home, and it's your brother, or your husband's brother and you would never think that something would happen but something could happen. What things do you see in that person? That person is using alcohol, is using drugs, how he treats young girls, how he looks at your girl. Keep your eyes wide open.

And many times it is the boyfriend who is physically, sexually, and emotionally abusing your girl. It is very, very, very common. Keep your eyes open especially happens, a classic pattern: older boyfriend, a few years older, you start to see your girl or the girl she's working with isolate, you start to see changes in her behavior, she stops doing activities that He used to do, he gets depressed, all that kind of stuff. If a relationship begins and you see these attitudes, talk to her, get to know the young person. Drill him with questions. You want to know who is this boy with whom your daughter is dating. Don't trust her discretion, because sometimes….again from experience, she's not going to make good decisions.

And regarding sexual conduct; We know that pornography is a thing that has been made much more rampant by its easy availability on the Internet. Again we want to think that this is not happening in our home, we want to think that our girls are not watching pornography. Unfortunately, many, many times our girls are viewing pornography. You wouldn't imagine it, it may not be happening under your own roof, it may be when she goes to her cousin's house.

I can tell you, I was telling Meche the other day, I had forgotten about this, I had completely blocked it. When I was about 12 years old, I stayed a lot at a family's house that had and had HBO and we didn't have HBO at that time, we never had, and around 11 or 12 at night there were pornographic movies , and she knew that I had the habit of watching these pornographic movies, she called it research so she would learn how things were done and I would stay to sleep there. She introduced me to watching these movies. Her mom had pornographic literature that she allowed her daughter to view, read openly. It wasn't with photos or anything like that, so it was very easy for her to justify it, it was more like erotic literature and all this stuff. So that's where I entered that world. I have been quite protected, quite innocent and I remember that that's when it started, that's where my eyes opened. It was at the home of a very close family that my mom would never have imagined. To this day she doesn't know.

So, once again keep your eyes peeled. Ask your daughters, and what do you do when you stay there? Maybe they won't tell you the truth, but maybe, with the Lord's discernment, maybe you can see something that tells you, 'hmmm, something isn't right here.'

And set limits at home, there are several programs that block pornography from your computer, or if someone sees pornography, they send you a report by email and you know what your children have been seeing. Don't leave them to chance, intervene. It is a way to protect your husband, your sons. Do not trust because it is so and so, and so easy. They send you an email of anything and it really is pornography. I'm sure almost everyone, if not all, has had experience of having a pop up turn out to be something pornographic.

If he says, I'm a man, I'm home alone, my wife is gone, my kids are gone, things are not going very well in the relationship; That looks very interesting, I open the pop up, that's cool and the next one does the same and the addiction is there one step away. So protect your family. Maybe your husband is not the one who is going to do it, maybe you have to take the initiative in doing this. And talk about those things.

One of my seminary teachers, her practice, works a lot with issues of a sexual nature and says that most of her clients with porn addictions are women. So this is no longer about... yes, they were Christian women because... he was a Christian, so this is not just a men's problem, this is already at every level.

If you have that temptation or that problem, don't try to solve it alone, seek help. I know it's embarrassing, that it's very difficult, but you have to seek help.

Those who have a computer... right now all the children have a computer in their room, ........ their email, according to me there is a filter in my school so that pornography don't go into the school but how do you go in, but I recommend that you don't put the computer, if possible, put it in a place where you can see the child or put a password and not give it to him and every time he If he wants to get on the computer, he should say, 'Mom, I need you to enter the password for me to enter,' because it's as easy as you say. I think I receive a pornography email every day.

I get at least 5 a day. So don't trust that, no my baby and baby, I'm not going to do that. I have raised them well, that does not matter. The enemy is looking for someone to devour. Prostitution has become widespread. I think that in the population here in the church this is not going to be something so common, but when one begins to work in these streets, it is something very common in young women, especially those who are not supervised, one of The problem is that they want so much to get this, this, and this that people who have more money than what they saw on TV do whatever it takes to get it. It sounds very cold, but many times that is the reason why they enter the world of prostitution, it is because they want to have what they have had.

And there are many predatory men out there who are looking for these young women who are vulnerable. So you go to work with a young woman who has been very exposed, who has been very vulnerable, think that this is an opportunity and if so, you will not be able to handle it on your own, due to all the complexity of the problem. Seek help with another person.

I have a question. When young women take this ........ of masturbation, and they take it as something normal, so as not to expose myself to diseases, I prefer to be in a group where we practice masturbation and it was the subject that was presented to me and He told me that according to the Bible there is not enough background to say that I am damaging the body, because I am protecting my body and at the same time I have achieved satisfaction without contamination.

And what is your specific question?

My question was ..... and they haven't answered it, time will tell me, that's why I'm here.

Good question. If you don't mind........we're going to have time at the end, we can talk at the end because I don't have much time left, but if we have time at the end please remind me if we can't talk. It is not that I am an expert on the subject but I can share my personal opinion.

Very common eating disorders. Keep an eye on the diet. If they start having a weird diet, it's a sign of a problem because that doesn't sustain anyone. Very abrupt weight changes, be aware of that too. I can't tell you more but there is a lot of very good information out there.

Regarding self-image, this is a challenge that I am going to throw at you. You know those magazines, Cosmopolitan, Vogue, Vanidades, People, all those magazines, every time I open one of those magazines after I close it I feel ugly, I feel fat. How many pregnant women do you see? I feel that, oh, but I don't have this, and I don't have the other. It doesn't do me any good. Maybe it doesn't affect you that much, but I'm going to challenge you to take it out of your house, not to open it, to leave it there, you have nothing to get out of it. Generally, the only thing they tell you is what is in style and what I have to wear, gossip, or how to find the perfect point to satisfy your man. You don't need that.

So follow what is really not going to build you up, better not see it. And it really affects the body image that young girls have because they're one shape of many, on TV, in models, all of that, she's getting a constant message of what a perfect woman should be, and a perfect woman isn't really a virtuous woman, a perfect woman is a woman who looks perfect and you probably know, even the images of these women that we see on the covers of magazines, they are ear-brushed, it is not a real woman, it is a woman of lie. And who wants to be a fake, synthetic woman?

About cutting or mutilation, it has become a very, very widespread problem. It's one of those contagious things that someone starts at school and at the moment it becomes fashionable and many more young women begin to do it. Do you know what I mean? Young girls often cut themselves on the inside of the arms where you can't see it, on the inside of the thighs, on the lower part of the abdomen, and on the breasts where you can't see it. It is an external expression of the pain that they are suffering inside and many times, or what happens in their psyche is that it is easier to feel a physical pain that distracts me from my emotional pain, than to feel this emotional pain that is killing me. And many times it is a way to avoid suicide. They stay alive because they can survive the pain, because they are taking the pain out. For some it's more of a form of self-punishment, I don't deserve this, I'm bad, I'm dirty, so I hurt myself. Watch for any signs if you see cuts, keep your eyes open.

Abortion, unfortunately still very common in Christian girls. Do not think that because your baby is a Christian that she is not vulnerable to this possibility, it has many consequences on a physical, emotional, psychological level. And if you think that the young woman you are working with does that, or you know that she does, try to encourage her to seek help.

The rape try to raise her awareness of how to protect herself, of how to have safe behaviors to avoid being in situations where she is raped.

And in terms of the spiritual, we are in a privileged position because we have the truth, we know Christ. We have healing in our lives, we are seeking healing. Many times the agencies that work with young people, God is not spoken, cannot be spoken, and it is the missing piece of the puzzle of how to achieve healing in their lives. We, as I say, are in a privileged position, so we must use that privilege to be a bridge to Christ through our lives.

Sometimes you won't be able to tell them about Christ, maybe they aren't ready to listen but just being loved in a different way makes a big difference in their life.

I'm going to have to give my testimony as the crow flies, I know some of you have to go. If you want to stay, don't feel like you have to stay, but if curiosity is killing you and you want to listen, well, welcome, and I'm going to try to make an abbreviated version of my testimony and as I said before it's an illustration of many of the things we have discussed today.

When I was about 4 years old, my dream, one of my dreams, like the dream of many girls, was to get married one day, have a family, I loved playing with dolls. My perspective of my adulthood was one of happiness, all those things that we that many girls dream of. I grew up in a family, as Meche said, the woman of 4, with very good parents who love me very much, but even in my childhood I began to experience depression.

We had lived in an area where there were many neighbors. We played a lot and Meche, in my childhood, was close. Later, Meche, who was a maternal figure for me, a very, very important figure in my life, began to study. Did you come here to Boston? And we couldn't be together anymore, and I fell into depression even in my childhood. My mother did not know that I was depressed and by the way I tell you that depression in children is seen, it takes a different form, many times it is seen as irritability, lack of energy. Children don't know how to say, "I'm depressed, mommy." No, and sometimes there's no crying, it's more like anger, irritability.

And, my dad was working a lot because at that time he had a new job. My mother took care of my grandmother, who was very old and well, there wasn't much time for me, nor much energy. So it was a time where the connection with my parents, unfortunately, and with other adults, well, was not there. When I reached my teens, it was then that my parents began to enjoy me. It was time for my rebellion. I had very low self-esteem, depression was even worse in my life, I was thirsty for something, for affection, for... and not because my parents couldn't give me affection. It was that I no longer knew how to get to them and they didn't know how to get to me either.