The Value of a Father as a Spiritual Guide (Part Iii: Love)

A child will not heed his father’s discipline and instruction unless he is convinced of his father’s love. We are experts at demonstrating the father’s supremacy within the family, his hegemony and dominance in the household hierarchy. We fathers are generally the strongest, and at times we appear to be the weakest.

But power is not the same as authority. Power tends to become a capricious and excessive use of authority when exercised without love. Power is corrupt—even in the home—when, driven by notions of false manhood, it lords over the loved ones whom we are obliged to serve first and then lead.

God has not endowed us with such power to govern our children, but with authority in Christ. Authority clothed in love. Without love, no rule will endure, nor will children and wives allow themselves to be guided or submit in the biblical sense. The home remains the best place to exercise fatherly authority in God’s way. Christian fathers—I first among them—still have much to learn. We must leave behind the past, the memories of our own fathers who raised us in haste, perhaps without love, without giving us the attention we deserved and the encouragement we needed at some point. We cannot go on hiding behind their mistakes to justify our own.

Children need fathers who fully understand that they were born again when they received Christ, that the old things have passed away and that Christ makes everything new, including fatherhood. God’s love is the only model of fatherly love we can trust. Jeremiah left us this message: Long ago the Lord appeared to me and said, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I continue to be faithful to you” (Jer 31:3).

Children need to be loved and accepted. They need us to recognize their worth, comfort and encourage them, and admonish them on the basis of the love we have inherited from our heavenly Father. It is sad to grow up without the memory of a hug from your father when you needed one; all the more reason never to miss an opportunity to hug your children, whatever their age. Children, whatever their circumstances, long for a father’s embrace. Paul said to the Thessalonians: “You also know that we treated each of you as a father treats his own children. We encouraged, comforted and urged you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.” (1 Thess 2:10–12).

Encourage them, comfort them and urge them to live a life worthy before God, a life worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ, but do so on the basis of unconditional love. The greatest cause of children’s exasperation and anger is our lack of love. Reflect on this for a moment, and you will see that it is so. We are so immersed in our own world—even while serving God—that we fail to notice enough how desperately our children ask for and need a father’s love. The revival of love must begin at home. Today could be a great day for your son or daughter. Go to them and give them a hug, and you yourself will also feel God’s embrace.

The Christian home where embraces reign is filled with love, and the children will be grateful; they will feel secure, happy and privileged. The prodigal son in the Bible perhaps never imagined the loving welcome that sprang from his father’s heart when he saw him returning from afar: “So he set out and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to meet him, embraced him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20 NIV). That embrace changed everything. Take heed! There are prodigal children in our own homes, too, who need a simple hug and a heartfelt kiss to feel loved, accepted and forgiven. Does God see us differently from the way we see our children? At times we parents become prodigal children and need the renewing embrace of our heavenly Father.

Let us cultivate love in our children, and they will heed discipline and gladly accept our instruction as Christian parents. May they one day say, “The Lord is my strength and my song…this is my God…the God of my father, and I will praise him.” (Exod 15:2).

God bless you!