The Leader of Character (Part 2)

I promised Sister Cecilia that she would be the first to make an observation, and I know she wanted to do it at the end, but we could not, so, Sister, let us know what topic.

Cecilia: Honesty.

Cecilia: Many times we rely on saying, “I am honest,” and then, just as you were saying, we hit people with truths, according to us, because I am so honest. Yet that is precisely when we most need to ask the Lord for wisdom about how to respond to people, rather than relying on the fact that I am being very honest and just letting them have it. No, we must ask God for mercy toward others, because he showed mercy to us.

Amen. Amen. That is very important. Now, then, there is a fifth virtue that I want to identify. By way of summary, remember that we have talked about integrity, sobriety, humility, transparency—the fourth virtue—and the fifth virtue is knowing oneself.

The ability to know ourselves is absolutely essential. An effective leader is a person who knows himself. One of the great Greek philosophers, and also the Greek oracle, a place in Greece, in Athens, said, “Know yourself.” Someone else, a philosopher, also said that the unexamined life is not worth living. That is very true.

If we do not reflect on ourselves and on what we are experiencing—the truth is that the person who lives an effective, growing, influential, creative life is someone who reflects on himself, knows himself, examines himself, and takes time to think and reflect.

One of the things I say about the life of leadership is that it requires silence, it requires retreat, it requires reflection, it requires taking time apart. That is something modern culture often does not recommend. Modern culture is immersed in frenzy, continual action, continual noise.

I was in New York with Meche this past weekend, brothers and sisters, and New York is a place of continual frenzy. You go into Times Square, and this is science fiction; there are crowds everywhere. You are assaulted by every kind of sound, image, and light. It is incredible. People live in a perpetual state of stimulation, and that is why, when they come to Massachusetts, they feel as though they need to be taken away in an ambulance, because they cannot tolerate the silence and stillness of a city that is much quieter. The frenzy of life—whereas a person, look, a leader, a person who is living a creative life—I have always told my daughters this: learn to live with yourself in solitude. You have to feel comfortable in your own skin. I love solitude and silence. I am a monk who lost his vocation somewhere along the way, but I love silence, I love solitude, I love a place apart, I love nature, I love stillness. And that is where I nourish myself for public life.

I believe that one should have a separate place where one can take refuge, heal, gain strength, and reflect on one’s experiences. Then, from that place of refuge and retreat, you emerge with your batteries charged, ready to intervene, heal, bless, dialogue, converse, preach, teach, and influence. But what happens to a cell phone after you use it a great deal? That little thing, that bar, starts to get… and then it starts going beep, beep, beep… meaning, “I am about to cut off your electricity and water.” And you have to recharge it; you have to plug it in again… Everyone is like that. Every object and every organism needs to stop and recharge, because every organism is sustained by energy. Everything that exists to produce something needs energy, and energy is used up and must be replenished.

Many people are simply doing, doing, doing, working, working, working, and they do not take time to reflect on what they are experiencing. And they never come to know themselves. We could talk at length about retreat and silence and stillness and solitude. To me, that is one of the great hallmarks of leadership. The person who always needs to be listening to the radio, watching television, or driving with the window down to hear the other cars speeding by is not comfortable with himself. There is something he is running away from. But when you feel comfortable with your life, and with your demons too, you can reflect on those things, enjoy the process of examination, and then return to action once again.

But when you are only working, working, working, you will never come to know yourself; you will never have the opportunity to put your inner house in order. All the objects in your inner house will be scattered everywhere. And what happens if we do not take time to put the house in order? There is continual and growing chaos, and we fail to place life’s experiences, encounters, failures, and triumphs into the right categories, so we cannot grow as human beings. But how beautiful it is when we learn to reflect on life and take time to put our inner life in order. And then return to active work with more power than ever.

And that is why, if we want to know ourselves, it is so important for us to take time to reflect. Brothers and sisters, if you are too busy to take time to reflect, you are too busy—even with the things of the Lord. Because, if you look, Scripture says that the Lord would withdraw to a deserted place to pray from time to time. He took time and went away from the crowd because he knew it was important to recharge. In his human dimension, in his incarnation as a human being, he had to submit to that human dynamic, to that need of a leader to take time. And from time to time, you should take some time: go to Gloucester, go to Rockport, go to Maine, and spend a day there by yourself. At first you will get the jitters; you will not know what to do with yourself because you are not used to it. But later you will discover, “Wow, look, I am not so bad after all. There is enough in here to think about for a while and to listen to the inner voices.” And you discover that this is good, and you return refreshed. Look, tie the children to the leg of the table and leave them there. Go away and beg God that social services will not come to check on them—but find some way, find some means. Leave them with your husband or with someone else and take the time, because I am telling you that circumstances will never give you the time. Life will never say to you, “Hey, you know what? You can go away for a day.” Estela, can you imagine one day saying, “Wow, here I am, and I have nothing to do today”? We are leaders precisely because we are active, busy people, so leaders must take time to recharge their batteries.

Stephen Covey, in his famous book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, which I very, very highly recommend—Seven Habits of Highly Effective People; it is one of the most powerful books, it is available in Spanish, and it has been translated extensively—talks about taking time to sharpen the saw. He uses the story of a person who cuts down trees, the lumberjacks, a person who cuts down trees in the forest—a sawyer, let us say a sawyer, let us call him a sawyer; we hereby christen him “sawyer.” He says, imagine a sawyer who has his saw there and is cutting down trees all day. As time passes, the saw gradually loses its sharp edge. Then the sawyer has to exert more force to cut the same amount of wood, and he says, “I am too busy to stop and think about sharpening the saw.” And what happens? Over time, it becomes more and more worn out: the saw wears out, and so does he, because he has to exert more force—instead of stopping, going somewhere, sharpening the saw, and coming back to do the work more effectively.

And many of us are like that. Many times we are tired and gradually lose our energy. We no longer love ministry as much; we lose our taste for the Word; we become irritable; the quality of our marriage and our friendships begins to decline; we begin to grow depressed; we sleep poorly; we lose our enjoyment of life. Why? What is happening? We are giving, giving, giving, working, working, working, and we are not taking time to sharpen the saw. And we lack the courage to say, “You know what? I need a morning, or I need…”

Look, do you know what I sometimes do? One of my therapies in life, when I am truly burned out, is that sometimes I go to bed at six in the evening and stay there until eight in the morning. Unfortunately, I do not sleep straight through, because at midnight my eyes are like two light bulbs that have been switched on. But I stay there, and then I fall asleep, wake up, pray, think, solve the world’s problems, and eventually get up. But I saturate my body with rest and, at the very least, my mind with silence and stillness. And the next day I get up and feel ready to continue. Sometimes that is the only thing that heals me. People have been predicting my death for years now, and what keeps me in love with ministry and keeps me working is that sometimes I can indeed take some time, heal myself, and do something I enjoy for half a day, a morning, whatever it may be—an outing, a weekend. And that sustains me; it allows me to return to the fray once again, because otherwise a person gradually burns out and, forget it, before you know it there is a corpse instead of a servant of the Lord, whether a man or a woman.

So one has to have courage. Look, brother, let me tell you: if you want to grow in your life and your ministry, take time to rest, reflect, think, meditate, recharge your batteries, and sharpen the saw. That is an immensely powerful concept for life and leadership, and you should do it alone. I have visited many monasteries here in the United States, for example, because I like to take time to go to those places that are laden with historical associations of rest, silence, and stillness, and it is beautiful.

Taking some time to recharge your energy and refresh your perspective on life, your ministry, your family, your inner being, or whatever it may be requires incredible courage, because life will tell you that if you take your hands off the machine, it will immediately fall to pieces. And that is a mistake; it is a kind of misguided messianism. We believe that if I stop for a moment, the world will fall apart. The world will happily carry on, and the day you die, they will sing three hymns for you, nail your coffin shut tightly, and then forget about you. Six weeks later she will be looking for another husband, or whatever, or the children will be happy somewhere else. I hope Meche does not hear me—the children will be happy. “Oh yes, Dad was so wonderful,” and this and that.

But look, the world goes on, the world goes on, life goes on, and you discover that you are not as essential as you thought you were. That is why God invented the Sabbath: to remind us that the world does not depend on us, but on him. That was why God invented the Sabbath. It is an exercise for humanity, so that it may remember that if you take your hands off the steering wheel, the car keeps traveling perfectly well, because God is the one driving it, not you. Like parents with children, he lets you believe that you are the one holding the steering wheel, but it is God.

And I believe that one of the most powerful things you can do as a leader—one of the most powerful investments you can make in your life, I assure you—is precisely that. Learn to take time, and all your emotions, your mind, and your instinct will be shouting at you, “Do not do it, because the world is going to collapse.” Do it.

Many times, when I am packing my bags for us to go on vacation, I feel guilty. But you know what? Not anymore. Now I pack my bags, get in the car, and leave with peace of mind. You will not hear from me until two weeks later—not quite, but… I have learned that the world goes on and that you have to learn this. Please do it. Remember: take time away from life and its busyness, and invest in yourself, in your ministry, and in your growth. And we should do that every day, taking a little time. My favorite time is the morning, the early hours before dawn, when it is still dark outside and I sit with my little cup of coffee in my favorite place to read, reflect, and pray. Look, I do not want to leave that place. Eight in the morning arrives and I have to leave. No, I do not want to, because you grow accustomed to it.

And if you have those times every day, life goes much better. Then also take more time—a weekend, half a day. Learn to establish rhythms of rest and work in your life. Work hard; give life everything you have, but then rest hard too. Rest intentionally and purposefully, enjoy every second, and forget about everything else. Because sometimes we are resting, but we are contaminating that time with other things. Do everything possible to learn the art of resting, reflecting, recharging your batteries, and sharpening the saw. That phenomenon is very important. Yes, Estela.

Estela: ………….

Exactly.

Estela: …….. it is not going to happen on its own, …….. time or one day to do that; it is not going to happen.

If you do not have that ethic of intentional rest, it will never happen. And as I tell you, one has to have the courage to say, “You know what? God is powerful enough to preserve things while I do what he has told me to do.”

It says, “Be anxious for nothing,” and that applies to ministerial life. But again, all of this is related to that quality mentioned there: knowing ourselves. This is merely the prelude. You cannot know yourself unless you reflect on your life, on your surroundings, and on your spiritual journey.

A person who knows themselves is a person who is attuned to their wounds and personal flaws. A person who knows themselves knows what their distortions are. Let me finish this so I don’t—and then I’ll come back to you in just a moment. That is one of the very important things: that you be attuned to your wounds and personal flaws. Many times we believe that if I look at myself honestly, I will not love myself, and many times we do not want to get to know ourselves because we are afraid of what we will find there.

Look, assume the worst. We are all a mess, and we are all marked by sin and distorted, so right now take a deep breath and say, okay, Lord, thank you because I am a mess. And from that point on, then begin to work, but assume that this is so and do not worry about what you find there. Your neighbor is probably worse off than you are, so relax and be honest with yourself. You can afford to say: what human being can say that they do not have grave and serious distortions? We are a mess. Only the grace and mercy of God allow him to look upon us with hope.

But then, after assuming that, examine your past; examine how your life has affected you; examine your parents. Many times we are afraid to admit that our parents made serious mistakes because, once again, we think that if we admit it, we are being disrespectful, irreverent, dishonoring them, or whatever. No, I believe we can admit: yes, my parents failed in many things. Because if you are a father or mother, you will know immediately that you have failed in many things too. That does not mean anything; every father fails and every mother fails. But many times our family past has distorted us, and that affects our leadership.

You know, studies have been done, for example, on people who work in caring for people—psychiatrists, psychologists, sociologists, pastors, people in the field of social work—and it has been discovered that people who work in areas involving the care of souls and people often come from backgrounds in which they were what is called an “adult child,” a child who acted like an adult. And many of these people sometimes played stabilizing roles in their family, between Dad and Mom. They were the person who dealt with things when Dad came home drunk, or whatever, who calmed Dad down or got in the middle. They were the person who often became ill when Dad and Mom were going to get divorced, so that Dad and Mom would focus their attention on them, forget their problems, and not get divorced. Human beings engage in a lot of maneuvering. All this falls under what are called family systems: there are many things people do to stabilize a home, and adult children were often people who stabilized homes, who looked after the younger children, who comforted Mom when Dad went off with his mistress, or abused her, or whatever. And so these people develop a need to serve others, and when they reach adulthood, they subconsciously enter professions in which they continue doing the same thing they did as children.

So, notice, we do not know that, but it is there, and it keeps us from understanding why we are doing things. Many times we are obeying hidden agendas that we have. We need people to approve of us; we need to feel needed; and all of that often distorts our performance as leaders and prevents truly transparent leadership in which we do things for the right reasons and not for other reasons. And that often makes our leadership fragile, and we break easily when certain pressures come—pressures to which we do not realize we are vulnerable.

So, the more we know those aspects of our lives, the more we can guard ourselves against them. It is not that we will overcome them completely, because, unfortunately, I have to say that those things are never overcome one hundred percent, even after the healings God brings about. But by knowing them, we can guard ourselves against them and be more aware of those areas—how they distorted us and affected us—and then we can maintain a balance.

A person who knows themselves knows how their past has affected them. That is what I am saying: the connection between the past and what you now... If you were criticized a lot when you were a boy or girl, now, as a leader, you are not going to like being criticized; you are going to be ultrasensitive to criticism. So you have to understand that in order to correct it somewhat and compensate for that flaw from the past. And when you see yourself reacting intensely or too sensitively to a comment, say, “Wait, that is because I have that tendency, and this, that, and the other happened.” Then you correct that and adjust yourself to the proper way of acting.

A person who knows themselves also possesses what I call introspection. Introspection means the ability to look inward and see what is inside. Being an introspective person is something very valuable, very important in ministry; the capacity for introspection is key. Examining ourselves—that is why I tell you it is important to set aside time. In order to examine yourself and understand your inner workings, you need time for it.

But a person who knows themselves sets aside time to look at that inner self I spoke about a moment ago. They also know their virtues and their limitations. Consider what I was saying earlier about the apostle Paul. Paul knew that he was a profound man, knowledgeable about the Word of God; he had received great revelations; God had called him specifically to minister to the Gentiles, as he rightly says. He knew his virtues, but he also knew his tendency toward pride, the fact that what God had revealed to him could make him think more highly of himself than he ought, and all these things. So he also knew his limitations. And a leader must know both one and the other. Know well what you have, what you are worth, and where you received it from; but also know that you may have a tendency toward vanity, that you are too—like I say—sensitive to criticism, that you can be intolerant, that you can sometimes be impulsive, and that you can sometimes commit yourself to too much.

For example, one of my flaws is that I often commit myself to more than I can deliver, more than I can give or do. The thing is, we pastors are like that: we want to please, and when someone asks us for something, we say, “Oh, yes, don’t worry.” And Meche tells me, “Look, don’t promise so much.” Sometimes I tell people, “Yes, call me.” I meet people on the street, give them my email address, and then they write to me and I do not write back because I cannot. But it is a flaw one has, because one wants to please. At that moment, I am willing to do anything for that person, but afterward—wow—the time, the lack of... And I always ask the Lord, “Help me, Father, to put a zipper on my mouth sometimes when I see needs,” because of the tendency one has to promise, to want to heal, save, and help. I want to be accessible to everyone, but the truth is that this is a lie. I cannot do it, even when I want to. Besides, there comes a point when I no longer want to be around so many people.

So it is good not to promise so much, but I know that, and every day I ask the Lord, “Help me, Father, to be more sober-minded, and help me not to say so many things.” And sometimes, when I travel, I have to tie myself down with a hundred ropes mentally from the very beginning, telling myself, “No, I am not going to say that I will do this or that.” And I ask the Lord, “Lord, help me not to commit myself to more than I can do or to speak more than I should.” Because I know that this is a tendency, so I have to correct it. It is like the sharpshooter who knows that, when the rifle is fired, it tends to pull a little to the right. So what does he do? When he fires, he aims it a little to the left so that the shot goes down the center. And many times one has to balance one’s flaws and tendencies, knowing what they are and orienting oneself a little in the opposite direction so as to remain in the center. That is the idea of knowing ourselves.

Another thing I do not have written here—but this is where the importance of observing ourselves comes from. I also say here that we should set aside time to reflect; I already dealt with that. Read about counseling and psychology. That is very important. Read; there are so many good books. As you read about how psychologists think and how they analyze things, you yourself will then learn how to examine yourself. There are good books on psychology and on family systems.

Another thing: I already mentioned honesty with regard to parents and family. I remember what Romans chapter 12 says: no one should think more highly of himself than he ought to think, but rather think of himself with sound judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith he has received.

That is the balance we must have: not thinking either more highly or, by implication, more lowly of ourselves than we should. Knowing ourselves is the starting point for many key decisions in leadership.

If you know yourself, you will be better prepared to guide yourself in your performance as a leader. What do I mean? For example, how you choose your team. If you know that you are not strong in the area of, let us say, organization, but you are strong in the area of vision—that is, you are very good at conceiving ideas, plans, and visions. There are people who have a very good ability to develop ideas, ministries, and things, but they are terrible in the area of execution and organization. They are not good with details or planning, or with writing things down or keeping records. The left side of their brain is not as developed as the right. The right is the area of vision, art, and all that; the left is analysis, systems, reasoning, and numbers. So there are many people whose right side—the artistic, conceptual, visionary side—is more developed. The left side, the more mathematical, systemic, rational area, so to speak, is less developed. What should a person who is more visionary than anything else do? Let’s see, Patty, what should I do?

Patty: ... A person who likes to pay attention to details.

Exactly. So make sure you have people with you who pay attention to that and who are ten times better than you in that area. That is why, on your team, you sometimes have to have people who are better than you.

Who was it? Henry Ford, I believe. You know who Henry Ford was, right? The inventor of the automobile, the first automobile, and one of the great industrialists of the United States. I believe it was he who requested that they write on his epitaph, on his tomb, “He always knew how to surround himself with men better than he was.” That was his epitaph. Thank God for the person who knows what their flaws are and knows how to adjust accordingly.

It is said of another great industrialist that he was accused of being stupid and ignorant, and he sued the magazine that published the article. What interested him was proving that these people did not know what they were talking about. So in his testimony, they asked him something like, “Do you know the circumference of the world?” or something of the sort. They asked him a question like that, and he said, “No, I definitely do not know.” “In fact,” he said, “there are a great many things I do not know, but I have a person in my office whom I can summon by pressing a button, and he can get me all that information in a moment.”

That is, in other words, he knew that was not what he needed. His skills were his organizational ability, his broad vision, and his ability to deal with people. Why do you need to know everything? Nowadays, on the Internet, there are a great many things you can discover in an instant, but there are other things you have to counterbalance. So if you have a weak area, surround yourself with people who are strong in that area. You do not have to be a know-it-all or a do-it-all. But make sure you have people who complement your skills.

Great politicians and great presidents surround themselves with very, very accomplished people. Ronald Reagan was another one of those people who was not a great intellect. Ronald Reagan was not a very intellectual man, but he surrounded himself with highly capable people, which then allowed him to shine in his area of strength. That is how it is. But if you do not know yourself, if you do not know that this is your weakness, what will happen? Then you will not be able to know whom to surround yourself with.

Now, if you know and admit that your weak area is, let us say, organization, well, surround yourself with people who know how to handle organization. If you know that your area is not human relations, that you could live on a deserted island and would not care whether there were people in the rest of the world, and that you are sometimes a confrontational person or do not have much patience, surround yourself with people who can work with people. Find yourself a good public-relations person; keep at your side someone who makes you shine and cleans up the messes you create when you say something you should not have said. So you need to have people who complement you. And do not be afraid to admit, “That is not my strong area,” but do look for people who can complement you and strengthen that area.

But if you do not know yourself and do not know which leg you limp on, you will not be able to look for a properly sized cane. So a balance is needed. Many leadership decisions come from there. Knowing your gift is important. What is your strong area? Use that area and spend more time in it.

For example, if your strong area is—again, let’s say your strong area is human relations—and your firm or your ministry, let’s say, whether you are a businessman, a businesswoman, or someone who runs a nonprofit company, a nonprofit agency, if you know that your strong area is human relations, that is tremendous, because through human relations you can obtain money, you can gain influence, you can get clients, you can obtain human resources for your business, for your firm. A person who is skilled in the area of human relations is a treasure to an organization, and if that is the principal leader’s strong area, look, it is tremendous.

So that leader should not be in the office writing advertising materials for the agency or crunching numbers, processing the statistical figures. It is a waste of that leader’s skill and time, and the firm is losing out. No, get that person out there, out on the street, bringing millions of dollars into the company and presenting the face of the company to the public. That is their strength and that is their gift. Find someone who is good with numbers or who is good in the area of planning, and as much as possible, let that person work in their area of strength, because that brings in much more money for the company and has more leverage, as they say; it has more influence, more pull in the performance of the company or the ministry.

But to do that, you need to know what your gift is and then work more in that direction. And we could spend a long time here—for example, in ministry, in the pastorate—talking about what the pastor’s gifts are and how those gifts can take the congregation higher and develop it further. It is an area, for example, at this very moment in my life, in which I have to… what are the gifts God is developing at this stage of my life? And I have to emphasize that area because it will be of greater benefit to the congregation. So I have to surround myself with leaders, develop leaders; that is why we are involved in this matter.

Why am I here today, spending four hours of my life with you? Because you have incredible power to move our church forward. And as you grow in your leadership performance, that gives me greater freedom to do other things and to operate in other dimensions that can bless the church in more extraordinary ways.

Let me tell you, because there is no end to this. On Tuesday I went to a men’s cell-group meeting, and they tossed me the little jab they always toss me from time to time: “Pastor, we don’t see you around here often enough.” They tossed it at me several times. Yes, so I was telling them, “Brothers, in fact, this is the third time I have come to the group, and Omar has come, Gregory has come, Samuel has come, Pastor Sábano has come, Gonzalo has come.” Those people have received more from the church’s principal leaders than any other cell group in the world.

But I was telling them, “Brothers, I cannot spend all my time rubbing your little bellies… I do everything I can, but my position demands that I be involved in other things, because one has to… make the best use of time.” And I believe that as a church develops and matures, it has to understand that more and more, giving its leaders more room so that they can be where they can have the greatest impact on the development of their congregation.

And likewise, in your ministerial work, for example, take half a day to reflect on, let’s say, the ushers or the person who leads a group; buy yourself a book about ushers or about worship, and set aside time—set aside a Saturday—to read twenty pages about how I can improve my ministry and what things I should do to take it to another level. During that time, perhaps you will not be able to do other things in your ministry, but that time, which may seem as though it has no value, is precious time. Because once you make that investment, you will be able to understand better how to lead your ushers, or how to lead a time of praise better, or how to prepare better, what the dynamics of worship are, or whatever it may be.

In the area of, let’s say, a financial campaign. Okay, set aside a morning and read about what is done to put a financial campaign in a church or an institution on a sound footing. During that time, perhaps you will not be able to have a meeting you would like to have, but it is much more valuable because it will develop you in that important area that is valuable to you, that you need.

So it is important, in order to know your own strong areas and then use and develop them—that means that many times you have to, as we keep saying, set aside strategic time in order to make the most of it. You have to use your gift, the gift you know you have, to the fullest, and that requires you, then, to develop that gift. Or if you do not have a gift that is necessary, at least learn a little about it so that, even if it is not your strong suit, you will at least know a little about it.

Do you see how these things blend into one another? Leadership is very complex. But many times we do not set aside time to strengthen our gift or to use it strategically. So we are simply doing, doing, doing, working, working, working, and we do not reap the benefit from it. Why? Because we are not using the gift properly, we are not developing it strategically, we are not exerting influence at the point of maximum leverage, where any intervention obtains the maximum result; instead, what we are doing is little things.

One of the problems leaders have is that we are continually working and do not set aside fertile time—what I would call fertile time—which is time that seems as though you are not using it well, but it is deeply pregnant time that, when you invest it, will yield incredible dividends in the future.

So we have to have the capacity to understand how to set aside periods of time to cultivate the gift God has given us, to develop it `more in secret, in stillness, in silence, in inaction and waiting, so that when we then fire that gift, it will have the maximum impact. But to do that, we have to know what our gift is; if we do not know it, then we do not know what it is or how we should use it. But in our ministry that is very, very important.

That also means, then, that other people will have to develop. While you are doing that, you will have to have other people who can pick up the slack; the rope that has now been let go has to be picked up by someone else, because you loosened your grip on it a little in order to do what you have to do, but there are two people who can…

That is why I am here, because I hope that, with the Lord’s help, the time I invest in you will yield dividends that will then allow me—if I set aside four hours for this, plus the preparation time—possibly to have twenty-four free hours in the future. So that is not bad, a 600% return on the investment, is it? But one has to think strategically like that, and in the long term, in order to develop one’s skills and develop one’s leaders.

Patty: Along that same line of thought about knowing oneself, I believe that in recent years I have been learning that sometimes one spends one’s whole life doing things, developing one’s leadership, but very seldom does one ask oneself clear, fundamental questions that will help a person identify those weak areas and complement what is being done. And there are three questions I read in an article that had an impact on me because they are very profound questions, and one can draw so much material from them. One of them was to ask oneself, “What is my leadership style?” And one can draw so much from that, because if you know that your leadership style is simply giving orders, obviously that has its weaknesses, and it then helps you know how to improve it.

Another question was, “How do you make decisions? What is your decision-making style?” Once again, that will then help you see whom you need around you. And the last question was, “How do you balance your life and your work?” That goes very much with the previous point of realizing, then, that there will be moments in my life when I will have to say no, and that does not mean that you are a bad leader or an ineffective leader. So I have learned that those questions are fundamental and that they help you know your strong areas, your weak areas, and be realistic with yourself.

Absolutely, well said. One of my weak areas is precisely knowing when to say, “I can’t,” and saying no. That little word is one of the most powerful words in the whole world: “No.” It has a great deal of power; those two letters have a great deal of power, and we have difficulty using them because we want to please and we want to bless. However, knowing now that this is a problem you have helps you—as I say, when you fire, move the rifle slightly to the side to correct its tendency.

You have to surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable in that area of not saying yes too often, or overcommitting yourself, or approving too much. Many of us pastors do not know how to say no, and that is one of the things that weakens our leadership because we want to serve, love and please. So sometimes they take us for suckers, as we say in good Dominican Spanish; they take advantage of us, and then they are pulling us this way and that, and the church is a disaster. Everyone does whatever they feel like doing, and sometimes people even resort to emotional bribery; they blackmail you, telling you that you are a dictator, that you do not know how to listen to people, and all of that, because what they are saying is, “Let me do what I want. If you do not let me do what I want, then you are a dictator.” We have to be careful with that, because we want to please, and people sort of manipulate that a little.

Fanny over here—sorry, it has been a while since I…

Fanny: It is important… not only to set aside and plan the time, but to plan what is going to be done during the retreat time.

Absolutely—intentionality.

Fanny: And an important part, for example, in getting to know ourselves… I do not see, or I do not see them, or sometimes I blocked it when… a certain area of my life and I do not see it, but I learned that the Holy Spirit can take control of those areas… that retreat time, leaving time to ask the Holy Spirit for that… wisdom… about myself, asking the Holy Spirit… He shows them to us, and then from there… work with the gifts in these areas. First… inner healing… needs to be healed… so that one can then work with one’s gifts and… more easily… also the weaknesses; the Holy Spirit guides us, the books, planning the retreats so that… from there with something tangible that… or not yet… Holy Spirit… at the same level, you are still there, you have to keep struggling with that area… books and preparing oneself ahead of time… that is good too.

Of course, preparing ourselves before setting aside time to reflect, so that we make the most of it, and asking the Holy Spirit for wisdom. I had written down here Psalm 139, the end of Psalm 139.

“…search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts, and see if there is any way of wickedness in me, and guide me in the everlasting way…”

That way of wickedness does not necessarily have to be lust or immorality. A way of wickedness is anything—a crooked way, I would say—anything that deforms or distorts your life, your ministerial performance, your leadership. “Lord, teach it to me, show it to me, and then guide me along the clear, straight, true way.” That is very important. That is one of my key verses in life because it points to knowing ourselves as leaders.

You have waited so long that I am going to give you time with interest.

?: Brothers, I have been thinking… knowing oneself, and you were talking about the time one has to take to reflect on oneself and be able to recharge one’s batteries. But what also came to mind was being able to recharge one’s batteries, but also being able to have another brother who is a leader from whom one can ask for help, because when one is a leader and works a great deal with brothers spiritually, one also becomes worn out, and so one needs help. And sometimes, as a leader, one is reluctant to say certain things because, as you were saying, because I do not want to; I feel ashamed of what I am going to say. But I believe that when one manages to break through that barrier and manages to approach another brother and say, “Look, I am failing,” or, “I have this problem, this and this,” it helps a lot. That also injects more strength into us.

That is where transparency comes in as well. One of the most difficult things, when you are dealing with an area that will lower the image you protect so carefully, is being able to tell someone, trust someone and confess to them, but it is tremendously healing. And that requires people who can keep the secret and who will not think less of you because you had the courage to do it.

Look, brothers, in that office of mine, incredible things are written on the walls—invisibly, but they are there. People talk about everything in there. And many times I have found myself joyfully telling them, “You know what? Thank you. Now I respect you more than I respected you before.” And they say things that are weighty, because I love and admire people who bring things into the light and compel themselves to do so because they want to experience the Lord’s healing. And instead of lowering them in my eyes, that magnifies and lifts them up in my eyes because they have had the courage. That takes courage.

Natalia: ….. whether you thought …. of asking someone what they are—someone, of course, whom one considers excellent—whether it was wise to ask them, “What do you see in me that is not working, which I cannot see?”

Of course, that is a good question and, again, it requires someone with maturity and powers of observation who can give you a good answer, and also with the spiritual fortitude to tell you things in an appropriate way.

Because I definitely believe that, if you find that person, do it without hesitation. Now, having said that, again, that is my answer. I would simply add an asterisk to it now, and that is that we should be careful about whom we entrust with such a great privilege, because it is a very delicate privilege. You are giving that person a cup so delicate that, if they squeeze it too hard, they will break it immediately. So, many times, when we entrust someone with a vision, for example, that is very dear and beloved to us, if they do not know how to handle it, they will often soil it and kill it, or at the very least complicate it. So you have to know with whom to share those levels of intimacy and delicacy because otherwise, many times, they will not know how to handle it, and it will impoverish rather than enrich you. So you have to be careful, because sometimes people also project their own issues onto you, and then they are seeing things they are not actually seeing. They are seeing them through their own flaws, and then they will tell you things that are not really you; it is they who are projecting their issues and problems onto you.

So it is good to be careful, to choose people who are truly capable of handling that beautiful cup, that treasure you are placing in their hands.

Carmen, over here, and then Gloria here. I want to call on people in a way that balances things out a little, but we will come back over there; I just want there to be good diversity. Carmen.

Carmen: …… what I was going to share was precisely what has been … about speaking, and I will give an example: the women’s retreat, which we women eagerly look forward to, this time when there is also an opportunity for dialogue…… and sometimes, when those of us who have seen how the event unfolded and are satisfied then see things in the evaluations that are, like, horrible, that is where the leader has to be firmly grounded in what he wants, because if we followed what people say, we would be changing because of …… in order to please them, and not everyone will ever be satisfied, no matter how good the event is. That is when we need God’s direction, to know before God whether God is pleased with what I am doing, whether God is pleased with my work to please Him.

There has to be that balance; again, it is the same thing: there has to be balance in those areas.

Gloria: ……… about…. Someone comes to ……… regarding a situation. The leader must be aware that …………. the situation and not the person, because that creates a complex situation. If he is clear ………….. the reaction will be healthier …….. when he takes it …. personally. Many times ………..

Very good: separate the situation from the person. Is the person speaking to me, or speaking about my situation or the action? Yes, because otherwise we take it personally, and I also believe that the person saying these things should also try to separate that as well. If you are going to offer criticism, use, as much as possible, language that is not condemnatory and does not tend to put the person down or make the person feel condemned or singled out; instead, choose language that builds up and strengthens rather than weakens. That is very important.

Cecilia: I just think—always coming back to the same thing we are talking about, honesty and everything—with regard to being honest, I always knew that the Lord taught me that the primary cell is the home, where everything begins, the beginning of the children’s lives and everything. Being honest with your children, everything that should be discussed always being spoken truthfully, and based on that matter of whether someone asks you if you are honest or not, because I am amazed: eight days ago I had a conversation with someone who said that they bring in people to give testimonies and everything, and that in their own congregation there are no people with good testimonies. Do you know what happens, sister? Many times, the family does not know the good testimonies because there have been some things involving mistakes, and so they would rather go and tell them somewhere else than tell them in their own congregation. Wow, I was stunned, because I believe God taught me to be honest with my children. My children know my life; you know my life, and it is a testimony I give and am not ashamed of, but that is because God rescued me. So I think that is an important part of honesty: if there is honesty in a home, there is fellowship with the children first of all, which is so important, and then you go out and share it, because if there is no fellowship in a home, you cannot …. And the church expects the family to come in honestly, because sometimes we think honesty is found in the church, ………. about everything I did or do. No, you have to be honest beginning in the home, so that the children grow up knowing that they can face everything with truth and honesty. Then the church can be an honest church because it is blessed with honest families.

Amen. Amen. The family is the number-one ministerial and missional front, and that is where we have to practice these virtues. We must exercise our primary leadership in our home, with our own, those closest to us. And that is where we are truly tested, because that is where we have people who are often watching us 24 hours a day and know every area of our life. And if we cannot deal with that—the person who can earn the respect of his family and loved ones is more important than the person who earns the respect of his congregation, I would say, because his family knows everything that is there. And we should aim for that; that is our primary standard. That is very important.

As the Apostle James says here, “… confess your offenses to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed…”

There, then, are two words: confess and pray for one another. Confession comes first, mutuality—I call that mutuality—where the male or female leader… You know that the pope has his confessor, right? Who hears the pope’s confession? Just imagine. According to Catholic theology, there has to be a human being who hears confessions, and who hears that man’s confession? But there is a person who is the pope’s confessor; such a position exists. And that is the person to whom the pope confesses. Can you imagine that? What kind of person must that be? First, someone capable of keeping a secret, because Oprah would give anything to get that confession and have it on her show. Why? Because it is recognized that we all need to confess something and talk, and there is healing in confession.

Now, after confession comes prayer, ministering to one another. The other person receives it and then prays for God’s forgiveness and healing to come upon that person. That part you also point out regarding this other aspect: once you know something, then speak about it in a very appropriate way, with great care, because there are people who will not be able to receive what you are saying. And that is important.

Well, there is one last one—well, there are two more; there were 8 virtues here, but I want to be faithful to 12:30, all right? But let us do one more, and then we will leave it there.

Another important virtue—and, again, for the sake of review, the virtues we have identified are integrity, sobriety, humility, transparency, knowledge of oneself, or of ourselves—and a sixth virtue I want to point out, which is very important for leadership, is the ability to observe our surroundings, what we call the environment. What is the environment? The setting, the sphere in which we find ourselves or move.

That comes with the ability to know ourselves, but it is something different. Here it is not so much about knowing ourselves as it is about knowing the waters we are navigating, the sphere in which we are moving, the community in which we are ministering, the place or situation in which we find ourselves at a given moment in ministry.

And that person observes their surroundings; among other things, 1) they examine and understand the environment in which they move and attune themselves to that environment. For example, I am Dominican, but I minister,…. Suppose that dominates me, and when I preach I speak only about rice and beans, sancocho, Dominican sayings, and all that. What happens? I alienate and lose 90% of my congregation, 80% of my congregation. I have to know my environment and adapt my leadership to the multinational, multiethnic, multicultural setting in which I minister so that I can attune myself to it and be effective. In one sense, I have to call into question and bracket my personal human aspect and attune myself to something much greater and broader than I am.

That is to say, if I do not examine my environment, then I cannot be effective. There are many people who cannot be effective for that reason, because they are too much of one country. So what happens? They can then have only people from their own country in their congregation, and everyone else feels alienated and ignored. So the leader has to understand that. If in your leadership you are ministering to a diverse group of people, you need to understand that in order to balance things.

For example, in the area of worship, I say, well, include hymns from time to time, because some people were raised and nourished on those old hymns, and not everyone grew up solely with praise and worship music. So if you know your congregation, you will strike a balance from time to time: slip a little hymn in there, “A Mighty Fortress Is Our God,” or “How Can I Be Sad?” or whatever it may be. Toss in a little hymn for them to chew on for a while and feel that they can be transported back to former times in their country or wherever, and they will feel grateful.

If you have Caribbean people in your group, then look, from time to time, throw in a joke, because Caribbean people like jokes; or make a reference to mangú or whatever, and you will have them eating out of your hand, because they will say, “Wow, this person knows where I come from and who I am.” And then, when you want to stick the knife in them with a criticism, they will accept it from you, because you have already made them happy.

You have to understand these things; that is part of effective leadership, because you know your environment. For example, South Americans are more formal in the way they do things, and if you go to a South American group and immediately begin addressing people informally, saying tú, tú, that sometimes jars South Americans because South Americans—especially Colombians—are more like, “your grace,” and …. they make twenty thousand genuflections and such because they are formal. Puerto Ricans and Dominicans immediately use tú, because we are more informal, and so, if you know your surroundings and your environment, you will adapt. If you are among Central Americans, for example, again, there is a higher degree of formality, so you cannot come in with overly bold jokes or assume too much familiarity, because you will alienate them. And sometimes people make those mistakes because they do not understand their environment.

And sometimes, as leaders, because we do not know the people to whom we are ministering and whom we are serving, we do not understand the cultural temperaments, the temperaments of the people we are dealing with, and so we miss opportunities to be more effective in our leadership. But when you learn, you develop that eye: the moment you enter an environment, you immediately understand where you are, adapt your behavior to that environment, and can be much more effective.

So if you go to China or Japan, you already know that, even if you do not know the entire culture, those people are much more formal; you have to take your time with them, be much more courteous, and observe more formalities in everything.

One of the things, for example, is that when American businessmen arrive in Japan and go, let us say, to lunch—they have a business meeting and go to lunch—the American immediately wants to start talking business, and the best way to lose a Japanese client is to plunge straight into talking business. Because the American comes with the idea that you have to make the most of your time, time is money, and this is business, so let us get straight to what we came for. Not the Japanese person; the Japanese person wants to sit there and talk with you, talk about family, talk about culture, and then, after about 3 hours, if everything goes well, the business can be settled in 15 minutes because they already like you and enjoy your company, etc., and it is just a matter of closing the deal. But when North Americans immediately begin talking business, it is offensive, and they are probably harming their chances of success because they do not know the culture or the environment.

So the leader has to know his environment; he has to examine and understand the setting in which he moves: Who are your leaders? What are their temperaments? What is their culture? What are the problems in your ministry? What are the shortcomings and weaknesses? What are the styles of the different people who are under your leadership or with whom you are associating? And make sure you adapt the machinery of leadership to that and calibrate it according to those different coordinates, so that you lose the ability to observe what is happening and then lose the opportunity to obtain a great deal of valuable information from your environment.

If I see that I am speaking and I see several people looking at their watches, I already know that they are telling me something. They are not saying it to me, but their bodies are telling me something. They think they are the only ones looking at their watches, but from where I am, I can see that several of them are looking at their watches, and that already means something: look, wrap it up. You are not as interesting as you thought you were.

And if I see someone do this and start drooling, boom, and fall out of the chair, I should understand that this is telling me something about my soporific effect on that particular person. And so I have to adjust. But there are many people who do not. Look, they are in a conversation and you have already done everything possible to let them know that you want to leave. You have shifted positions; you have finished their sentences. That is another thing: when I see people finishing my sentences, I already know that they are telling me, “I have to go.” I have learned that this is a clear sign. And you know what? Since I know that, when I catch myself doing it, I fall silent because I know that, if the person is observant, they will understand that what I am saying is that I want to leave. Notice how demonic things are in that case. Yes, because you have to see yourself seeing and being seen; the dimensions of lucidity are threefold and fourfold. But you have to observe it.

Psychiatrists and psychologists are very good in that area. They know that if a person crosses their legs and arms, they are saying, “I do not want any more,” or “I am resisting what you are telling me,” or “I feel uncomfortable with what you are saying,” or whatever. If they begin making quick, erratic movements, then you know they are saying… If they begin blinking very rapidly and start foaming at the mouth, lower the volume a little—things like that. People give many signals, a great many signals that they continually give to let you know what they are thinking, and many of us do not realize what is happening unless an eighteen-wheeler runs us over. But the person who cultivates the ability to observe others and observe their surroundings has an incredible amount of information that people are giving them without realizing it, and that helps you adjust your behavior and your interventions. And it also tells you if someone is getting ready to shoot you: yes, be quiet now, that is enough for today; let them cool down a little.

Carmen: I also know that what I am saying is included in what you have discussed, but it is important to observe the educational level of the group we have, because if you use very sophisticated words or terms, the other people… will not understand, and everyone is needed because, even if we think that… that person or what they say is important in the group. In the discipleship class, we give exams. Some people are terrified of exams, but that does not mean that the person who knows a great deal and takes the exam has absorbed more than the person who does not like…. But perhaps that person does not have a very broad education, and that is very important when you are… group.

Absolutely.

Carmen: Use the terminology that …… employ.

And know who makes up your class and how to ensure that each person has an opportunity to receive something. In a class there may be people who are very quiet, and that does not mean that the person is not extremely profound or is not paying attention to everything being said. But those people often like to be invited to speak, so if you understand that about that person, you will not wait for them to raise their hand, because if you wait for them to raise their hand, they never will. But since you already know—you have observed that about that person—ask them a question and invite them to speak. Then you will discover that, yes, they have a great deal to say, but they are simply more reserved.

Others have to be told to be quiet. And if you ask a question, do not look at them, because you know that they will answer you immediately. So what you have to do is ask the question without looking at the person over here, because, forget it, that is an invitation for them to give you a three-hour sermon with three points and a poem. So you have to know who makes up the group, because every person has a different temperament.

If you ask someone else and they do not know the answer, you will embarrass them and they will feel bad, so you have to be careful with that person too. There is a lot to all of this. Ramón, welcome; you are there. Look, Ramón is one of those who has not said anything, but he is a profound and observant man, so I want to hear what you have to tell me, Ramón.

Ramón: What we are discussing here makes me laugh a little when you mentioned that we have to ……. Or any situation, but that brings me to what happened to Paul, and that is why I laugh, because I would like to know, then, what …. You can understand the situation that happened to Paul when the person fell out of the window.

In that case, I think Paul—you know what? The good thing about Paul was that he knew he had the gift of healing; if someone fell on him, he could take care of it. I think the problem there was not so much with Paul as with Tychicus, the one who fell, whose poor name itself did not promise much. It is true, perhaps Paul—but perhaps, culturally, those people were accustomed to long sermons, and the poor Tychicus fell into the trap. But thank God Paul knew how to restore him, healed him, and the poor man came back to life. It is one of the funny moments in the Bible. If there are funny moments, that is one of them. But it is true, brothers and sisters: sometimes I can commit that sin—the sin of preachers who are not in tune with what is happening with the people.

That also happens with worship leaders, for example. Here we are talking about different ministries, but worship leaders—and I am guilty of this because, as a preacher, I can often become so immersed in my preaching and believe that I am revealing something humanity has never heard before, while the people are already saying, “Father, please make him be quiet; I want to leave now.” And I have learned that I am often not as interesting as I think I am. Do you know what I sometimes do not like? Seeing myself on video and on the Internet, because there I see all my little quirks and my wrinkles. I thought I was being powerful, but it was not quite like that. That is good; I do it sometimes to become more sober-minded.

But often, for example, worship leaders—at many churches I visit I see this phenomenon—often, when you are up front, remember that you are in a very artificial situation. You have so much adrenaline running through your system that anything you say and sing sounds beautiful, and you can sing a chorus thirty-eight times and still keep going for another sixty-two to make it a hundred. But the person sitting back there does not have as much adrenaline as you do up front. And that person was ready to go home the fifth time you repeated it.

So the person up front has to compensate. Again, using the image of the rifle that fires to the right and which you then have to adjust so that it hits the center, you have to factor that in when you are leading so that you understand that what you are experiencing is not so much the anointing of the Holy Spirit as simply the adrenaline inside you that keeps you going. That is why, many times, the people packed their bags and mentally went on a trip a long time ago, while you still think the congregation is with you. But you can already see that the people first stop singing, then sit down, and after a while simply turn around, while the group is still up there cranking away.

No, that does not happen in any church. But no, that is how it happens with so many things; we preachers are guilty of that. I can tell you that from my own experience—continually. Teachers are guilty of that. Sometimes we talk too much about things, or we beat the poor horse until it is dead and nothing but bones remain, yet we keep beating it. And you finished making the point a long time ago. Move on; go to another one.

And that is also how it is with children. Sometimes I have noticed this when I am saying things to my daughters, and you can tell that their eyes are glazed over; they lowered the blinds a long time ago and are not listening to you. But because you are so enthusiastic about what you are saying, you think you are imparting words of eternal life to them, even though they left the room mentally a long time ago. But as a father, you are so immersed in what you are saying that you think, “No, but this….” So you have to know when you have used up your time and taken your turn; get out of the rope so someone else can jump.

And that is something we are all guilty of. But that happens because we often fail to observe the signals. If the person has already begun turning their face away and doing other things, look, that is enough—say goodbye. You can give them the New Testament another day; you already gave them the Old, so preach the New to them on another occasion.

?: ………….

Yes, that generally happens to me around twelve or twelve fifteen. Bring your lunch and eat it, then. It is true: there are things—we all have our deformities, our tics, which we always overdo. That is also why it is good to know those things and make adjustments. Observe yourself and identify the areas where you need to learn in this regard.

So, regarding all of this about observing your surroundings: examine and understand the setting. We have already said that you should examine the human dynamics in which you find yourself and make the necessary adjustments. Analyze your reactions, your own reactions to the setting: Why am I…? Why do I feel uncomfortable with this person? Why do I feel…? Often something is already telling me that I should withdraw, that I should leave, or that this person is not right for this conversation, or whatever it may be, but we are not making the necessary adjustments. Listen to your own instincts, to what your body and your emotions are telling you at a given moment, and draw information from that as well.

I like that verse, that passage in First Corinthians that says, “Love is not unseemly.” That word “unseemly” in the original Greek refers precisely to how love often leads us not to—it enables us not to do things that are inappropriate for the moment, the person, or the setting in which we find ourselves. That is what it means. “It is not unseemly” does not mean, for example, that it is not immoral. No. I always wondered, “Why did Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, put that there? What does love have to do with not being unseemly?” And I have reached the conclusion that love enables us to be in tune with others. Love is that ability to step outside yourself and focus your attention on the needs and condition of the other person.

The person who has the love of Christ is someone who can be in tune with others, an empathetic and compassionate person. They can feel what others feel, step outside themselves, and become attuned to the experiences of others. Therefore, a person who can become attuned to the experiences of others can hear what others are saying and pay attention to it; they can devote energy to learning what others are thinking and feeling, because love is like radar that enables you to hear and feel what others feel. That is why, when a person who has love is in a particular setting and cares about what others are feeling and who they are, this enables them to adjust so that their actions are not unseemly, are not inappropriate.

Do you see what I am saying, then? It is not unseemly because that person’s love enables them to sense what is appropriate for others and for their surroundings. If you are in Japan, you become attuned to that culture. If you are among poor people, you know that you are not going to start talking about the Lexus you left back in Boston. And if you are with a married couple experiencing family problems, you are not going to keep telling them how beautiful your marriage is and how God blessed you with an ideal wife, or whatever. If someone is having problems with their children, do not rub it in their face that your children are paragons of virtue, because the love within you enables you to understand their wounds and become attuned to them. That is what “it is not unseemly” means, and there is a great deal more to that, I assure you.

Another thing: the person who observes their surroundings takes their proper place. I want to be faithful to this here, so they observe the reactions of others and adjust; we have already talked about that. Another thing: before speaking, observe and wait, and then speak, because you have to gather intelligence—intelligence in the sense of espionage. You enter a place and gather intelligence: look carefully, listen to the people, try to get a feel for the setting, and then intervene and speak.

… said that lucidity is important for you. You have to be lucid; you have to stand off in a little corner and watch yourself and watch others while you yourself participate in a situation. Know when to stop talking or withdraw; I have already said that. Read the signals others give you and make adjustments; I already said that. You have to know what is inside—your own self—and what is outside, your surroundings. Observing your surroundings involves both of those things.

You have to observe yourself, know yourself, and know your surroundings; that is why I put one after the other. Knowing yourself is important, and knowing your surroundings is equally important. If you can combine those two kinds of knowledge, you are a spiritual giant. If, in addition to knowing yourself—your reactions, your flaws, your wounds, your tendencies, your deformities, your fears—you also know the setting in which you operate, listen, you are far ahead of what other people possess in terms of social effectiveness. And that will greatly, greatly help you in your effectiveness as a leader. Amen.

Those are some of the qualities; we still have much more to cover. I hope that the next time we see each other we can continue. And let other people know so that they can join us and benefit from this. Yes, ……., a question out loud.

Q: With regard to …………. Knowing the reactions, couldn’t that put a lot of pressure on a person as far as…….. what one has to do ………?

Couldn’t it constrain or limit?

Q: ……………. I think that the others, or I believe that the others are not thinking and bringing the message …………….

The question is excellent, and it goes back to what I said originally: these qualities are dynamic and exist in tension with one another, and they have to be qualified; they mutually qualify one another, and often it is not black or white, but rather a point somewhere between the two. I believe, for example, that this ability to observe your surroundings might seem to conflict with integrity, because integrity tells you, “Say what is true and right,” while this ability tells you, “Be careful about when you say it, whom you say it to, how you say it, whether the time you had to say it has already run out, whether you are casting your pearls before swine, and whether it is worth getting into a fight that you are not going to win or gain anything from.”

So one thing qualifies the other. Now, also, if you know the person you are speaking to, and if you know that, for example, her husband hits her or demeans her, or does not value her, and you have something to tell her that may be negative and upsetting, you will have to be very careful about how you say it. Because once you know the environment of the person in whose life you are intervening, you will say what you have to say very carefully, so that the person can receive it and so that you do not find yourself adding to her problems instead of helping her.

And so we could add that this is where these things qualify one another. This also comes into play. I can tell you, for example, how in a situation like that many of these qualities mutually qualify one another, because knowing yourself also comes into play there. You first have to know that you may have a tendency to say things too plainly and too bluntly. And so, if you know that this is a problem you have—and that is something I often struggle with—I confess that sometimes, as I say, I think I am wearing silk gloves when in fact I am wielding a bat with a nail driven through it. But then, if you know that area of your life, you have to turn the volume down as far as possible. It may seem to you that you are whispering, but in reality you will be speaking at an appropriate volume, because your hearing deceives you. Or if you know that perhaps the person simply reminds you of someone you disliked and who did something bad to you in the past, and that is why you have… then you will also restrain yourself before speaking.

Transparency has a place there as well, because if you know that—look—you did something similar in the past, or that you falter a little in the same areas, that will also help you determine how to intervene: whether you use patience and tolerance, whether you intervene quickly, whether you also confess what you have done or said in the past so that the person feels better and more readily accepts what you are saying.

We could say the same about all the others: humility. If you have humility, you will intervene with that person knowing who you are and that you went through the same thing in the past. As the Apostle Paul says in Galatians, “My brothers, if any of you is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual should correct him in a spirit of gentleness, knowing that you also sinned in the same way, lest you too fall into the same trap.” So that is where humility comes in.

Sobriety: before speaking with that person at all, you will think a great deal, and instead of shooting off at a given moment, you will wait for the right time, the right occasion, and all of that. You see how these different qualities, if you keep them in balance, will affect the intervention you are going to make and make it much more accurate, much more on target. And that is what happens: these are like tools that one keeps in a toolbox. At one moment you may take out a laser beam to operate on an eye; at another you take out a seven-foot saw to cut through a femur. It all depends on what you are going to do and whether you have those tools and can use any one of them: transparency at one point, humility at another, sobriety at another, integrity at another. Everything varies, and self-knowledge, self-control—all these things are very beautiful, very important qualities that make us truly effective leaders. Amen.

Let us stand. Let us ask the Lord to help us retain the material we have shared and use it properly. Omar, please.

Beloved God, we thank you for the opportunity you have granted us to be here this morning, Lord Jesus, and to be nourished by a word that comes directly from your heart through our pastor, Roberto Miranda. Lord, we ask that all these things remain firmly engraved upon our hearts and that, when the tempered moment comes, the opportune moment, we may know how to proceed according to this teaching, Lord.

We ask for your direction, we ask for your wisdom, we ask for the conviction of your Holy Spirit in the midst of our hearts so that we may examine ourselves in the light of all these things, see the areas that need to be corrected, and take the proper actions; and so that we may further strengthen those areas that are strong within us, in order to serve effectively and efficiently in your kingdom, Lord, among the different people you place around us.

I bless my brothers and sisters, Lord, and also the people who will watch us later over the Internet. May this teaching be a blessing to each one of them. And to you be glory and honor forever and ever through your Son Jesus. Amen. Amen.

View more recorded presentations, November 22, 2008.