God Blesses Responsible Parenting

Let us talk about parenting based on divine principles and the Word of God. Parenting as a whole, referring not only to the father but also to the mother, as when we say, “My parents gave me a good education,” meaning both father and mother. Postmodernity has led us down dark paths when it comes to guiding and educating our children

and many different styles of parenting still prevail. Sadly, negative parenting styles remain the most common. That is why it is so important for us as Christian parents to know what we are doing with our children.

It is easy to talk about values; what is difficult is establishing them so that our children grow up with integrity and healthy motivations for life. We come to parenting carrying a burden of lifelong dysfunctions that have shaped our character: childhood wounds caused by a negligent, indifferent father or mother who showed little acceptance; hidden resentment toward a father figure over a grave injustice he committed during our adolescence; unresolved conflicts with an excessively controlling and unaffectionate mother. And we also come to the feet of Christ this way, and the conflict begins between the flesh, which wants to do the opposite of God’s will, and the Spirit, who begins His work of inner healing and restoring all that is damaged.

Responsible parenting fights tooth and nail to instill eternal values in children: the motivation to do good with a compassionate and godly outlook; trust in God so they can feel secure in life; integrity so they can act with uprightness and transparency; respect for authority because all authority comes from above; and, finally, love for God and others.

These values can only be instilled when we have given our children proper acceptance, corrected and disciplined them when necessary, and also given them responsibilities to fulfill without being overly tolerant, permissive, negligent, or controlling.

There is negligent parenting: the father (or mother) who is physically present but not truly there, and therefore makes no deliberate effort to instill responsibility in the children, abandoning parental responsibilities or delegating them to others. This kind of parenting produces insecure children who think they have no value and do not matter to others. A biblical example is Lot: “Look, I have two daughters who have not known a man. Let me bring them out to you, and do with them as you see fit. But do nothing to these men, for they have taken shelter under my roof.” (Gen. 19:8). No comment.

There is permissive parenting, which neither corrects children nor exercises authority or provides direction; consequently, the children are highly disobedient and rebellious. The classic example is Eli the priest. His sons were profaning the temple, and he knew it, but he never reprimanded them. The consequences? The Lord said to Samuel about Eli: “I have already told him that, because of the wickedness of his sons, I have condemned his family forever; he knew they were blaspheming God, and yet he did not restrain them” (1 Samuel 3:13).

Controlling parenting? That is another style—the worst one. Controlling parents criticize everything; they are overprotective and manipulative and, above all, demand too much of their children, ridicule them, and make them feel guilty about everything they do. Controlling parents tell their children, “You are not capable of doing this or that.” They offer no love or acceptance and sow fear and insecurity in their hearts. A biblical example of a controlling father? Saul: “Saul’s anger burned against Jonathan, and he said to him, ‘You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don’t I know that you favor the son of Jesse, to your own shame…’” (1 Samuel 20:30). Later, Saul’s anger toward his son drove him to throw a spear at him to kill him (v. 33).

Children who are victims of controlling parenting are the ones who say, “Why bother doing things right if I’m going to be criticized anyway? I’d better hide my thoughts because I’ll never be forgiven, and there’s no way to please my parents. I’m a failure, and there’s no place for me in this house.” The Word says: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, lest they become discouraged” (Col. 3:21).

Lastly, there is affectionate parenting, which offers appropriate acceptance so that children feel important and prepared to take on any responsibility in life, because their parents have taught them to be responsible and have been an example and a testimony to them. Abraham is an example of an affectionate father: “And I have chosen him so that he may instruct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord, doing what is just and right, so that the Lord may fulfill for Abraham all that He has said concerning him.” (Gen. 18:19)

Do we want what is best for our children? Let us first give them acceptance and affirmation, reminding them that God loves and accepts them too. Let us love them and let them know they are important to us and even more important to God. Let us listen to them and affirm them with beautiful, positive words that give them confidence and security. This will help them take on responsibilities so that one day they feel capable of exercising authority in their own families with love, according to God’s precepts. God blesses responsible parenting.

May the Lord bless His Word!