Don't Run Away from Conflict—resolve It!

I invite you to turn to the book of Acts, chapter 6. We are going to continue with our study, and I want to read verses 1 through 7, which tell us about the choosing of those first deacons in the life of the early church. It says here:

“…In those days, as the number of the disciples increased, there arose a complaint by the Greeks against the Hebrews because their widows—that is, the widows of the Greeks—were being neglected in the daily distribution. Then the Twelve called together the multitude of the disciples and said, ‘It is not right for us to leave the word of God to serve tables. Therefore, brothers, choose from among yourselves seven men of good reputation, full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this work. And we will devote ourselves continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word.’ The proposal pleased the whole multitude, and they chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit; Philip; Prochorus; Nicanor; Timon; Parmenas; and Nicolas, a proselyte from Antioch. They presented them before the Apostles, who prayed and laid their hands on them. And the word of the Lord continued to grow, and the number of disciples multiplied greatly in Jerusalem. And many of the Jewish priests also became obedient to the faith…”

May the Lord bless His holy word. The rest of this passage deals with Stephen, one of those deacons, and his ministry, his arrest, and then, in chapter 7, his death. Perhaps the next time we share together, we can address that part. But I am going to concentrate on this text about the choosing of the seven deacons and what led to this moment.

In chapter 5, which we discussed last Sunday, we saw the heroic conduct of the Apostles before the Jewish council in Jerusalem. They were arrested for preaching the word of the Lord, brought before the Jewish religious authorities, and flogged because of their testimony. They behaved heroically. In chapter 5, as we see, the Apostles give powerful testimony to their faith in Jesus. In fact, we are told that they considered it a privilege to be flogged and to suffer for the sake of the name of Jesus Christ.

At the end of that chapter 5, as we saw last Sunday, we also see these men’s persistence in evangelizing and preaching the Gospel. We are told there that they did not cease teaching and preaching Jesus Christ in the temple and from house to house. Incidentally, before we enter chapter 6, it is important for us to remember that: they preached the Gospel in the temple and from house to house. That, by the way, is a good pattern, a good practice for the children of God. We have to preach Jesus Christ both in the church and in our neighborhoods as well. Amen.

This is part of a pattern of effective evangelism. We are witnesses to the word of God. Wherever we go, we have to carry that precious seed. How many of you know that we have something special? It is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It says that even the angels long to look into what we see as children of God. We live each day as witnesses of Jesus Christ, and we cannot hold back that seed. There are people who need to hear the Gospel in their homes—our relatives, our coworkers, and our classmates. We have something beautiful, and you cannot imagine how many people are waiting for a Christian to share what Christ has done in his life. Every day, we see new people enter the ways of God and be blessed because someone brought them, invited them to church, or spoke to them about Jesus Christ.

They testified; they did not cease teaching and preaching Jesus Christ. Now, in chapter 6, we see a pattern that is repeated on other occasions in the book of Acts. What happens here? A blessing created a crisis. The prosperity that results from faithfulness to the Lord can often—as we were even saying last Sunday—become an obstacle, a stumbling block. Therefore, when God blesses us, we must always remain very alert to make sure that those blessings do not become an obstacle to continuing to serve the Lord.

Many times, we have to review and analyze our blessings and always remember that it is not so much the blessing that matters, but the One who blesses. Amen. That is why I like that chorus we sing. It says, “We do not want merely a blessing; we want You.” We must always desire God more than the blessing. Do you understand? Many people come to church, as Jesus says, for the loaves and the fish: so that God will bless me, so that He will give me a job, so that He will give me a girlfriend, or a four-bedroom house. But do you know something, brothers and sisters? The most important thing is to have Christ in our hearts, to have God, for He is the giver of every good gift and every perfect gift.

And we have to be careful because many times God prospers us and blesses us, and then we fall in love with the blessings. Or how many families have been separated and divided because, when God blesses a family, the job comes, the money often comes, and then people fall in love with those things? They stop coming to church, division comes, and trouble comes. We must always keep our eyes fixed.

What happened here in this passage? Well, there was a very great blessing: the church was doing the work of social justice; food was being given to the widows and the poor. And that blessing of serving the Lord in that way produced a problem; it produced division. Why? Because in that first-century Christian community there were people—there were Jews—from different backgrounds and different cultural settings. There were Jews who had lived abroad in other countries, in Greece, for example, and in countries under the influence of Greek culture. They had returned to Jerusalem, but their culture and language were more Greek than Hebrew, and they constituted a culture of their own. But there were also Jews who had remained in Israel, had never left, and spoke Aramaic or Hebrew; they too constituted a culture different from that of the Greek culture. When these people were converted, the first church was therefore very multiethnic. There were people of Jewish background and others of Greek background. And what happened? It seems that, when the food was distributed, the Jews, who were the ones with greater influence, gave an extra ladleful of rice and beans to the widow they knew who was of Jewish background, while the poor Greek widow had to make do with nothing more than a tortilla with salt. And so this created dissatisfaction and a sense of offense.

And do you see what happens? It is important for us to understand this: many times, doing something good can become a problem in a church or a family if there is no pattern of care, if it is not biblical, and if things are not done in the Spirit of the Lord. I was thinking that our church is a very diverse church. We have people from different countries. We have Central Americans from every part of Central America; we have Caribbean people from different islands; we have South Americans from all over the South American continent; we have North Americans, Africans, and Asians. At nine o’clock, this place was also full of North Americans from our English ministry. We have become a very complex congregation. And right now, I look at faces here that reflect every color of the human rainbow. Glory to God for that. That must be celebrated, and we must give glory to the Lord. What a blessing!

Over there I see a Dominican woman sitting beside a Salvadoran woman, and you do not often see that in the world. How beautiful that is! And a Colombian woman—but there is also a Puerto Rican woman here, and there is a Dominican man preaching to you, so just imagine what it is like. How beautiful it is when we learn to know and love one another.

But, brothers and sisters, we must be careful, because we have to work to preserve that harmony so that it does not become contaminated. We have to make a tremendous effort as a church. As a pastor, I try to do that—to show no favoritism. Brothers and sisters, I tell you that my desire as your senior pastor is for our church always to maintain that beautiful diversity and for us to be fair to one another. If you ever think that I am showing favoritism, let me know, because I will apologize. My desire is for everyone to feel that we are part of the Kingdom of God, one family in Christ Jesus. And you have to help with that, you know?

Always extend a greeting to people who are different from you. Invite people from another culture into your home. Do not invite only those who laugh the way you do, tell the same jokes, and speak the way you do. No, get out of that comfort zone and invite someone different so that your life may be enriched. Amen. The Lord Jesus Christ says, “What good does it do you if you invite only those who are like you and those who can invite you in return?” The ungodly do that. No, invite someone different from you. Reach out your hand to someone who is different from you, and always treat others with the same attentiveness, the same care, and the same consideration.

I ask the Lord, “Father, may we always prefer one another, and may I always be alert to the blessing of having a brother or sister of a different color, a different economic or social background, or whatever it may be.” And we have to be a church of justice. In our ministries, we must choose people not because they are like us or because we like them, but because they are the person God wants in that position. Amen.

So there was a problem here: there was an injustice, and some people were being favored over others. Of course, the Greeks—the people of Greek background—felt offended and went to the Apostles to complain to them. The Apostles then responded and tried to establish a solution.

Do you know something, brothers and sisters? Conflict has always been part of the life of the church. Even in this very special community, we see conflict. Conflict is natural and to be expected. Do you know something? The important issue is not whether there will be conflict in a marriage, a family, or a church, because there always will be. No, the key lies in how we navigate and resolve conflict, how we resolve the tension when it inevitably enters the life of a ministry, a church, or a family. Wherever there are, I would say, two or more human beings, there will be conflict. In fact, I would say that even where there is only one, sometimes I have conflict with myself; I fight with myself. Sometimes I cannot agree with myself about what I believe, so just imagine. Sometimes I cannot tolerate the things I myself do.

Conflict is natural. It is part of the Adamic fall. Now, do you know something? The important thing in a family is how the inevitable conflicts are resolved—between husband and wife, between parents and children, between the pastor and the congregation, and among the members of a congregation. I imagine that those who are, for example, in the cell groups and family groups—except for Sandra and Juan’s group; I know that there is never any conflict there and nothing bad ever happens, right?—but the truth, brothers and sisters, is that something will always arise to spoil things a little.

So when you see conflict, do not be scandalized. Do not take off and leave, saying, “Oh, this cell group is terrible; this church is terrible.” No, what we have to do is say, “Okay, how are we going to resolve the conflict?” And that happens in marriage too. Sometimes conflict can even be a great opportunity for hidden things to come to light so that they can then be resolved in some way.

And do you know what happens? If you resolve conflict properly, your relationship will be stronger than it was before. So I do not run away from conflict. Look, for example, I was telling the brothers and sisters this morning that last Thursday, the members of the worship team spent an hour and a half talking about how to improve our relationships with one another, because it is a very diverse ministry. We have now added other worship leaders, and we are tightening up the ministry’s operations. It is natural: where there are changes, tensions sometimes arise. And at the end of that hour and a half, I told the brothers and sisters, “Do you know something? How wonderful it is that we can speak freely about things, address them, discuss them, and leave with the hope that things will be better than ever.” What a tremendous blessing the worship was today! Why? Because when things are talked through, they are resolved, and there is blessing.

Conflict is going to happen. What I ask the Lord is, “Father, help us to be a church that knows how to handle conflict according to biblical patterns.” Even among the group of the Twelve, with Jesus right there in their very midst, there was conflict. Just imagine whether things might be a little more difficult now that He is in heaven. The important thing is that conflict be processed properly.

Here in this passage, we see good patterns and practices for resolving conflict. What are some of the mechanisms they used? First, there was good communication. Everyone say, “Communication.” The problem was not ignored or swept under the rug. They did not say, “Well, let no one know that there is conflict among us, so everything will go on as though nothing had happened.” In how many families are things hidden, never discussed, and never mentioned? From the outside, everyone sees things looking very nice, but underneath there are mice, cockroaches, and all kinds of things going on: an offended wife, a wounded husband, emotionally bruised children. But so that people will not think this is a bad family, when we leave the house, we are all nicely dressed, every hair in place, going to church holding hands—and afterward, we punch one another with the very same hands we were holding when we were at home, right?

I have always preferred honesty and communication, brothers and sisters. Things have to be talked about; they have to be processed. I like a song by Mercedes Sosa—that was the poor woman’s name; by now, I hope, she is with the Lord—a great South American singer. She used to say, “Everything must be brought out into the open, like springtime; no one wants something inside to die.” I listen to songs sometimes too; I am not afraid—they are good songs. But I like that: everything must be brought out into the open, like springtime; no one wants something inside to die. Why? Because things die when we keep them hidden.

Find someone trustworthy, discreet, and mature, and talk with her or him; talk things over with your loved ones too. In the church, let us talk things through; things have to be processed. Here we see that the problem was not ignored; rather, it was discussed and brought out into the open. Those who had been wronged were able to express their dissatisfaction and were heard—above all, they were heard by the Apostles. They did not say, “Get out of here; everything is fine.” No, they listened and looked for a solution.

In churches and church ministries, we must foster an atmosphere of openness where problems and conflicts can be brought out into the open before they become a destructive source of contamination. Do you know what happens? If you do not process things, sooner or later they become hostile forces. I have learned that the tensions of life, if you listen to them and pay attention to them, become your allies; but if you ignore them, they begin throwing stones at you from outside and breaking the window, the roof, and everything else.

Life’s conflicts, human weaknesses, and the differences within a marriage and a church are strange gifts that God gives us so that, by working through them, we may become more like Jesus Christ. If there were no problems or tensions, we would never develop patience, love, kindness, tolerance, and respect for diversity, which are important parts of the life of a child of God.

So use life’s difficulties, use life’s problems, and say, “I am going to overcome this in the name of the Lord, and when it is over, I will be stronger than I was before the problem began.” Do not ignore them; welcome them and say, “Sit down here, and let’s talk and resolve this.” That is very important. God allows situations in the lives of His children so that they may work through them, and in the name of the Lord, I believe that any situation can be resolved if there is a willingness to do things as God commands.

So we have to bring problems and conflicts out into the open before they become a source of contamination. Now, just as I say one thing, I will say the other as well: bringing problems out into the open must also be governed by a spirit of patience, love, and tolerance. We cannot simply react the moment anything happens by saying, “This is my right,” making demands and criticizing. Some people specialize in criticizing. They are experts at seeing problems and demanding their rights.

No, a Christian’s attitude should be one of generosity and tolerance. Now, when there is a situation that needs to be discussed, approach the person with love and gentleness, and talk things through. Always affirm the person; do not strike at their pride or dignity. You have to do it in the spirit of Jesus Christ.

And there are times when you may even have to wait a little while before expressing the grievance, because who knows whether God may do the work during that time? And who knows whether it may not be the right moment either, and first you have to soften that situation through prayer? Then, once you are sure of what you are going to say and have been touched and prepared by the Holy Spirit—and that person has also been softened by the Spirit—perhaps that will be the right moment, and God will do the work.

So there are many ways to resolve conflict. I would say something else as well: when conflict enters our lives, we must also be generous and often accept some loss so that the glory of God may be revealed.

For example, when Abraham had a conflict with Lot, his nephew, he said to Lot, “Look, Lot, you choose first.” He took him up a mountain, and regarding all the land that belonged to them, Abraham said to him, “Look, Lot, choose the best land, whichever you want, first; and if you go that way, I will go the other way.” And what happened? Lot chose the very best land there was; he took the biggest serving for himself, and Lot said, “All right, no problem. You go that way, and I will go the other way.” And do you know what? God later blessed Abraham and even gave him the very land that Lot had chosen, because Lot behaved selfishly.

So we often have to be generous and sometimes even suffer wrong so that God’s blessing may prevail in a home. Sometimes we have to remain quiet for a while, but when it is time to speak—when a situation needs to be resolved—speak.

And those who listen should also listen with a spirit that says, “Okay, what is that person telling me? They are right.” The Apostles listened to these people; there was communication, and there was a very important process. Then the Apostles took corrective action. Do you know what they did? They chose qualified people to address the problem.

Another important element is that the solution they adopted conformed to the values of the church; it conformed to the values of the institution over which they presided. The solution they chose—selecting men full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom—was aligned and in harmony with the spiritual priorities of their church in Jerusalem. What happens? Sometimes we solve a problem, but we do not solve it in accordance with the values we consider important.

For example, a strange or different person comes to a church; someone comes dressed differently, or someone comes in smelling of alcohol, or a person has mannerisms we do not like, or a young drug addict comes, or suddenly many children arrive and make noise in the room. What happens? The people established in the church—often, though not always; that does not happen here—complain, and sometimes we even want to remove those elements from the life of the church because we want the church always to remain a paragon of virtue, with everything in perfect order.

What happens? When a church, for example, is doing effective evangelism, people with all kinds of difficult, different, and unconventional pasts come to the church. Couples arrive who are not married and are simply living together. People arrive who have not yet been dealt with by the Holy Spirit. And if one begins to say, “Well, we do not want those people,” and the pastor becomes afraid and removes them from the setting—oh yes, the problem was solved; we removed the source of discomfort, but the church’s principles were violated. What must a church do? Be open to the stranger.

I want my church to become complicated by people who do not know the Lord and who come here seeking God. Brothers and sisters, what good is a predictable church where no one has anything out of order? That means we are not evangelizing, because if a church is evangelizing, new people with problems will always be coming. And that is what matters: to me, if a church is comfortable, it is not doing the work of the Gospel. A church must always have new people coming in. Let the holier-than-thou people squirm in their seats, but amen—let the unbelievers keep coming. A church’s values must be preserved.

Brothers and sisters, I say, look, a church—forgive me if I stray a little from the subject, though it is not straying from the subject—is a space where people brought by the Holy Spirit come to be dealt with by God in different ways. And the role of those who provide spiritual leadership is to make sure that the space is conducive to that. Of the people who come, some will take two years, others three years, and some one month to begin developing an attitude fitting for a Christian. If we try to rush them, if we drive them away prematurely, if we sometimes confront matters too bluntly, they break and leave us; our nets tear.

There are fish that, if you pull them in too quickly, will break the bait off and take the boat and everything else with them. A pastor must be wise and discerning, resolve the complexities of congregational church life wisely, and maintain a very complex ecology so that people’s problems may be resolved and they may grow into the likeness of Christ Jesus.

So what happened? When the Apostles heard that there was this problem, they said, “You know what? We are going to solve it, but gentlemen, we cannot stop preaching the Word, studying the Gospel, and praying in order to start serving tables ourselves and make sure there is no injustice.” What did they do? They chose other people from the Congregation who had the appropriate qualities to serve at the tables, while they—the principal pastors, the Apostles—devoted themselves to preaching the Gospel and watching over the spiritual interests of the Congregation.

How beautiful this is, brothers and sisters! Here is something very important: in a church there are so many talents and so many gifts, and each person can do something beautiful. I rejoice when I know that brothers and sisters are visiting prisons, visiting homes, visiting hospitals, and being there for fellow believers when there is a loss. We pastors cannot do everything.

Glory to God, sister; thank you for that. At least one person agrees with me. When a church grows, do you know what happens? We all have to become pastors and caregivers to one another. I tell the brothers and sisters, “Look, when you go to visit someone in the hospital, go in the name of your church and your pastors, and say, ‘I am here representing the body of Jesus Christ.’”

Unfortunately, we will not be able to attend every quinceañera, every doll dance, and every baptism; we cannot manage it all. No, a church should be full of pastors, full of female counselors, full of home-group leaders, anointed by the Holy Spirit and doing the work of the Lord. And we must accept that this is the complexity of church life: just because the pastor does not come to your hospital bed does not mean that the presence of Christ cannot come through a brother or sister who visits you.

And so, in a sense, we have to understand that specialization. Now, of course, we have to do our part as well. But we have to be tolerant and not place undue burdens on the people who watch over the spiritual health of the Congregation. These Apostles said, “We are going to solve the problem, but we are going to solve it properly. We are going to find people who can preserve the values we want, and we are going to anoint them and lay hands on them; then they can move forward.”

We have to understand what our priorities are and adhere to them. Finally, another thing we see here is that the Apostles chose qualified people and established clear requirements for selecting them. It is interesting to observe what those requirements were. It says that they had to be people full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom. Brother or sister, if you want to work in the things of the Lord, fill yourself with the Word of God, fill yourself with knowledge, study, prepare yourself, and ask the Lord to prepare your character. I love seeing people prepare themselves.

Just yesterday we held a training session for leaders; we spent three hours here training our brothers and sisters. And I am committed to ensuring that whenever there is a need in the church, there will always be qualified people—people of character and people who know the basic principles of the Word of God. Discipleship programs are being offered, and there are different kinds of classes. Take your class; prepare yourself to serve the Lord. That is important so that our church may always have many hands like Christ’s, many feet like Christ’s, and many voices that can offer counsel, preach the Word, teach others, and care for children. The needs in this church grow every day, and every day we will need more people giving the Lord their time and preparing themselves to serve Him.

Brother or sister, you are a means, an instrument that God wants to use to extend His grace to someone. I ask the Lord to awaken in us a very great, very great awareness that every Christian, every child of God, is an evangelist, a servant, and an intercessor; they can be a teacher, a psalmist, a caregiver for children, or a teacher of young people. God has a calling for your life; God has a purpose for your life. Prepare yourself to serve the Lord.

When your pastors need someone to send to a hospital, to a home experiencing marital problems, or to a school where young people need care, may there be people who are prepared, full of the Holy Spirit, and full of God’s wisdom to attend to those things. God wants a church where everyone is a deacon, in a sense.

Do you know where the word “deacon” comes from? It comes from Greek; diakonos means servant or minister. And every Christian is a servant of God. God wants to use you; God wants you to be a problem solver, so to speak. Churches have problems because many people are not doing their part, but we are committed to preparing the people of God so that they can solve problems and be there wherever they are needed.

May the Lord grant, brothers and sisters, that we may always be a church of harmony, a church where problems are discussed, where problems are brought out into the open, and that we may be families with healthy communication. Make a commitment to God to be a good listener and also a person who communicates the truth in the love of Jesus Christ. Let us not be afraid of problems. Let us welcome them and resolve them, and God will allow more blessings to come to our home through that resolution. Let us be dynamic people, people committed to the process, and let us be a church characterized by transparency, by putting one another first, and by treating one another with a great deal, a great deal of respect and care.

We thank the Lord for everything he is doing, and may those blessings continue coming to our congregation every day. And so, Father, this afternoon we ask that your Spirit, Lord—your spirit of harmony, your spirit of communication, Lord, and of problem-solving—may be a reality in this congregation; that the families, as well as the church ministries, the cells, the family groups, and every ministry, Lord, may be places where there is good communication, transparency, and practical, concrete solutions consistent with the values of the Gospel, Father. Where diversity is respected, Lord, and where there is justice in the way we treat one another. Thank you for everything you have given us, Lord, through this beautiful service, and we ask that you continue, Lord, to manifest yourself more and more, to manifest yourself more and more, Lord, in our gatherings. We ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen and amen.