Do Not Be Overwhelmed by Guilt

I would say that the society we live in is one of the most demanding societies that has ever existed in the entire history of humanity, because it is the most critically, technologically, rationally, and scientifically developed society of all time. The generation in which we currently live has the ability to judge things and coldly dissect them on a table, under a perfectly penetrating fluorescent light, and to see everything with tremendous lucidity and clarity. Whatever it focuses on, it can see perfectly well in all its deformities, imperfections, and defects.

Modern society specializes in dethroning heroes, uncovering the hypocrisy hidden in institutions, reducing legends to human proportions, pointing out the defects of the Church, and displaying with perfect clarity the feet of clay of spiritual and political leaders.

But it is also one of the most hypocritical and unpleasant societies I have ever seen in my life.

It is a true paradox: It is a tremendously demanding society that prides itself on being liberal and tolerant. Yet it is one of the most Pharisaical societies and the most intolerant of human imperfection that I have ever observed. Very demanding, but also full of defects and terrible inconsistencies. It tolerates and promotes homosexuality, abortion, and gay marriage, but looks with disapproval on adultery, polygamy, and incest. It celebrates “responsible sex” and sexual experimentation among young people, but laments youthful promiscuity and dropping out of school. It can spend millions of dollars to save a dolphin or a whale, but discards an embryo as though it were a bag of garbage. What a strange paradox!

Modern man has reached such a level of competence and ability in so many things that it is difficult not to feel inadequate and incompetent. Nowadays, we are under incredible pressure to be perfect, or at least highly developed. We have to perform everything we do perfectly. If we do not, we feel guilty and inadequate. And many people around us make a point of reinforcing this sense of incompetence. There are many demands in modern society, but little generosity.

Unfortunately, many young people of this generation frequently inherit many of the inconsistencies of the society in which they have grown up. They inherit that same critical and demanding tendency, that sense that everything is owed to them and that they deserve everything. But frequently, they do not embrace a sense of service—of giving to others, being grateful, and honoring those who serve them. They criticize their elders mercilessly. They question and resent every kind of authority, including that of their parents. They see the serious defects in their parents, but they do not celebrate and appreciate their sacrifices, their sleepless nights, or their love for them.

Many parents internalize that emotional blackmail and focus so much on the mistakes they have made and the imperfections of their fatherhood or motherhood that they fail to see the merit and beauty of their sacrifices and efforts, imperfect though they may be. This causes many parents to live in a constant state of guilt, condemning themselves. It even leads them to be too permissive with their children. Guilt robs them of authority. It takes away the confidence they need to intervene effectively in their children’s lives, to give them the advice that confronts them, the correction that stops their decline, and the refusal that keeps them from following the path of error and self-destruction.

The Lord tells us: “Do not live in guilt. I know your defects. I know what it is to be a father and to be criticized by my children. I know how difficult it is to discipline a rebellious generation and to be rejected when I try to straighten its path. I too suffer when my discipline is interpreted as cruelty and lack of understanding. Keep going. I am the compassionate God. As a father has compassion on his children, so I have compassion on those who fear me. Do the best you can, and sleep peacefully. At the end of the day, I will make sure to compensate for your mistakes. Just entrust yourself to me and seek my wisdom. When you err, admit your mistakes. But do not become entangled in guilt and self-condemnation.”

God wants you to enjoy being a father or mother. Do not allow doubt or self-condemnation to rob you of the joy of being a parent. Walk under the grace of your heavenly Father, and enjoy the privilege of accompanying Him in the difficult task of parenthood!